Mi'chele

This is what V-Tach looks like my friends...

2010-02-26T11:00:00.003-05:00

Not good... so what you see from left to right is a PVC (PreVentricular Contraction then a beat although it is distorted (b/c of the way the electrical activity in his heart was traveling) ... then there's a PVC and BAM he goes in to VT (or V-Tach or Ventricular Tachycardia) with a rate in the 230's... which is life threatening... but my patient stayed awake and alert during this episode... which was fortunate... but we were able to shock him out to a stable fucked up rhythm instead... which was more like a beat then a PVC, a beat, then a PVC, a beat, then a PVC... still not good but I'll take it!

A Memory

2009-05-25T01:18:00.002-05:00

My family - my whole family - went out to Vegas for New Years one year. My mom was so excited that we were ALL going that she bought everyone those luggage identifiers. Only she bought gay pride ones and didn't realize it... but that doesn't make the story funny...

What makes the story funny is my brother is gay an she didn't know it...

In Memory Of DR. John Pryor

2009-01-15T22:10:00.002-05:00

... Seek always to do some good, somewhere...

Even if it's a little thing, do something for those who need help, something for

which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. For remember, you don't live in a world all

your own. Your brothers are here too.

No One Is Awake At 3 A.M.

2008-09-30T02:22:00.001-05:00

I miss my cousin, David. He was always awake.

There used to be a few people I could call at 3 A.M. but I'm not sure about now...

Hmmm.

An Animal, Perhaps?

2008-08-09T07:16:00.003-05:00

There is an animal behind the wall of my fireplace.

I don't know what to do about it.

It's been there since yesterday. I'm guessing it is too dark for it to find it's way out.

It sounds like it is fighting to get up b/c I hear a fight of scatches and tumbles and banging.

I don't want the damn thing to die in there.

I feel bad for it.

Any ideas?

I'm so excited!

2008-08-06T16:23:00.002-05:00

I'm getting my last reference letter that I need in order to apply for Anesthesia school! That's all I need and then I can send my application in!

Yeah!

I'm so excited!

Cross your fingers you guys!

Just A Quick Note Before I Eat My Yummy Dinner!

2008-07-31T19:57:00.002-05:00

It has been quite the adjustment learning to live alone.

I've never done it before. I lived with my parents and then Kev and I moved in together when I was 24.

Now I'm 32 and I find myself in this place alone...and feeling alone and a little scared. When I was alone before, I wasn't lonely - I guess now because this is real I find myself feeling lonely for the first time in my life.

2008-07-30T11:16:00.007-05:00

2008-07-20T10:14:00.002-05:00

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years.

He tells me after I support him through 3 years of nursing school that he has feelings of wanting to leave. I don't understand why. This came out of no where.

Then he lies to me repeatedly over the last month and last night was out with a married girl he works with until 2am.

...and I am suppose to believe he's not cheating on me?

What the fuck is that?

My Day Yesterday Could Have Been A Country Song

2008-06-14T16:12:00.002-05:00

Almost passed out in the dentist chair - which is totally uncharacteristic of me.

My car broke down at the mall.

I told my boyfriend to get the hell out.

My patient at work pulled out 2 of his lines.

All I need is a dog named Blue.

Inspired / Expired

2008-05-31T23:34:00.002-05:00

Things I've learned as an ICU Nurse.

People come and get better or they come and die and dying in an ICU is a long and drawn out ugly process.

It actually takes alot longer to become an O.R. nurse and a good one at that and THAT I AM PROUD and I do miss the O.R. very very much.

Old ladies still suck ass. (I have a story, I save it for the end.)

I like to treat the patient physiologically - I don't like to treat them personally and I would rather talk to their families while they are intubated and stable than to deal with them especially when they are intubated and awake b/c all they keep doing is motioning to their tube and wiggling around and I end up having to restrain them and it becomes a big fucking mess of shit. I really just feel like not looking at them and walking away. How many times do you have to explain to someone that you can't take that fucking tube out b/c if they can't maintain their own airway and you need to re-intubate you might not be able to get another airway if worse comes to worse because their airway is already going to be swollen just from having the tube then imagine complications on top of it? The end result is DEATH - fucking HELLO???? all because we couldn't get an airway in even fiberoptically - the patient can only be deprived of oxygen so long before there's irreversible brain damage. So shut the fuck up and keep the god damn tube in!

That's really the only part of the job I hate. It's a big one b/c everyone is fucking intubated. I guess I shouldn't say that's THE part I hate. The part I hate is having to fake compassion for the 40th time in 4 hours. Don't get me wrong, I do feel for them and I do feel some should be extubated way, way , way before they are but sometimes we have 1 or a few patients arresting at those times and extubation is not a priority when someone else just might be trying to die. What makes it worse is that we can't sedate them b/c we want them strong and kicking, if they aren't like that when the MD's come in to assess they won't extubate them. It's a double whammy. That fucking sucks.

So here is my story:

Of course it's an old lady story:

The other night I have this tiny old lady, she extubated of course on her call light at all times if her family isn't in her room. Her family thinks they are getting over on me by sneaking out to "get a bite" right before visiting hours end and then calling for one last check in before they "leave" only her daughter comes back for the "check in" and plants herself by her bed. I didn't care how long she stayed, she was doing me a favor by staying with her pain in the ass mother. After the daughter leaves everything thing is wrong. Everytime you ask a question it's I think so, I don't know. How do you not know whether you are in pain or not? How do you not know whether you are comfortable or not? I hate that fucking shit! It's like she didn't know which to answer to get the most attention. If you are answering like that and you are awake and oriented and tolerating fluids nothing is wrong with your ass. So this dude 2 doors down starts freaking - withdrawling screaming as loud as he could - scares the shit out my lady - meanwhile I have her vitals on a monitor turned out to the hall so I can see them at all times no matter where I am in the unit - her bell goes off - I go in. She says she's scared, she heard a man yelling and she thought he was running around the halls, She says she shaking and her heart is pounding! "It's just pounding" ----> I found it funny b/c I was watching her monitor from the time I walked in the door and I was taking vitals every hour and I was watching it everytime I stepped in the room and it never changed from 80 beats a minute from the start of my shift up to this incident and to end - never changed. She was a pain in my ass.

Maybe I'm not as compassionate as I thought.

Maybe I just don't have patience for drama queens.

I don't know, you be the judge.

I also find that listening to Bob Marley doesn't help much before going into work. It only makes it all the more bitter. Yea, I just wanted a little relaxation before going into a "pig fuck" as my friend George would say. I know that term is just so disturbing. I should just stick to rock and roll and save the relaxing stuff for my ride home. I did come up with a great iPhone commercial though.

Here it is: I was listening to Natural Mystic - so imagine this with me: Music is playing

Dude or chic is walking through a tropical lush jungle path everything is bright and vibrant green with huge orange, yellow and pink tropical flowers, everyone you pass seems to be jammin to your tune and is just as happy as you are and acknowledges you as you pass them with a nod or wave, the path twists and winds, you feel cold sand on you feet, you pass waterfalls and lagoons and then you are interupted - you look down at you iPhone and you get a text or a call and when you look back up you are in the ICU ready to go to work.

That's what I imagined going into work the other day. Do you think I need a break?

2008-04-25T01:15:00.002-05:00

When I get home from work, my legs from my shins down feel like they are going to break off and my feet feel severely bruised. I massage my feet before going to sleep and even after sleeping for 7 hours when I wake up I have to limp.

My last 2 patients were extremely sick. Yesterday my patient was on ecmo (basically bypass) and he had a balloon pump - it inflates during diastole (when your aortic valve is closed ) and pushes blood backwards and helps perfuse your coronary arteries to help nourish your heart and give it a rest. His chest was left open and he was actively bleeding through his 5 chest tubes. We gave him an obscene amount of blood and blood products that he just bleed right out into his chest. We suctioned his chest tubes a million times and we "opened" his already open chest at the bedside to evacuate blood and stop bleeding. We finally took him to the O.R. at 8:00 am. He was actually pretty stable throughout the night and despite being hooked up to all that crap he could be roused and he would follow commands and answer questions by nodding his head appropriately. I felt sorry for him.

The day before I received a post op that was actively bleeding. Her pressures were only minimally good as long as we were giving blood. We were giving blood through rapid infusers. After giving obscene amounts of blood and products she went immediately back to the O.R..

So my last 2 days were a boatload of huckleberry fun.

I do find it rewarding though. The more critical the more rewarding.

The better they are the more I feel like a waitress. I didn't get a degree to be a waitress. Isn't that what nurses aides are for? That's what I did when I was an aide back in the day. They are under utilized in hospital systems.

2008-04-25T01:13:00.003-05:00

I was so upset. I hit an opossum in the rain coming home from picking my mom and grandmom up from the airport. It was a few houses down from my mom's house. I went back to see if I killed it but it wasn't there so I hope it was o.k..

Sleep / Wake Cycle is Whacked.

2008-04-15T02:22:00.003-05:00

My sleep wake cycle is so disturbed. I've been waking up between 1am and 3am and it's driving me crazy. I thought I'd get back on track once I worked a week of days but it didn't help. My body is somewhere between day shift and night shift and it sucks.

2008-04-08T11:26:00.002-05:00

She asked what I did for a living. I told her I was a nurse. Then she shared with me that she was a survivor and then Thanked me for being a nurse. She said without those nurses taking care of her the way they did she would have never made it.

2008-04-08T02:08:00.002-05:00

I think it is really juvenile when people think in terms of Satan vs God, devil vs angel and good vs evil.

I like the name Evel.

2008-04-06T05:05:00.001-05:00

I do not like taking care of old ladies. It doesn't mean I don't have compassion and empathy for them.

I'm so excited

2008-04-03T03:09:00.004-05:00

I just signed up to get a quote from a cleaning service.

Inside Thoughts

2008-03-31T14:57:00.004-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely without a doubt hate hate hate taking care of old ladies.

They are the worst patients on the face of this earth.

Old ladies just suck all around.

It's My Birthday!

2008-03-05T06:04:00.004-05:00

I love birthdays. Unlike most people, I think it is a special day. It's the only day of the year that is YOUR day and I think people should take advantage of it.

Crazy Dreams

2008-03-04T19:35:00.002-05:00

I have been having crazy dreams since my switch to night shift.

Last night...Today actually, I didn't get to sleep til damn near noon and I just woke up...

Today I dreamt that I was on Big Brother.

How funny is that?

The Force is Always with Me!

2008-03-04T07:36:00.002-05:00

We took the kids to see the Star Wars exhibit at the Franklin Institute.

It was pretty cool and apparently, Saturday night is the time to go. No one was there so no crowds and craziness.

I think we might join. They have iMax there and their exhibits are always changing so if we were to join any place it should be that one plus it seems like their exhibits are for everyone.

One Incredible Case

2008-02-25T01:53:00.002-05:00

I started the week out hating nights...and I still do. I couldn't wait until my last 12 hour shift.

I walk in at 7pm.

My patient is an adolescent from another country. No one in the family speaks english. Father is bedside and extremely worried and rightfully so. Our patient ended up doing very well through the night. His postop bleeding wasn't too serious and came to a complete stop through the night after giving 2 units of blood (whole blood), FFP (Fresh Frozen Plasma) and a unit of Cryo. Of course he was on other drugs to control his pressures but he was good.

A medical student came by that spoke his language so we had him interpret for us. I think we could have done a better job but I am training on this unit and I don't tell the people training me what to do. I would have walked this patients father through what was going to happen through the night and instead of saying, "Good, good" over and over I would have had the interpreter say things like, " It is normal for post op bleeding in his case, that's why you saw us giving him blood earlier to help him with the blood he has lost and to help him with clotting to stop the bleeding. It has stopped and he is doing well. We will watch him through out the night and we will be in his room constantly. We have 2 nurses directly watching him and a team of physicians checking in a couple times an hour. He is in great hands and we will take great care of him. He is doing extremely well and he is responding to all of our therapies so far. If we can get you anything or help you with anything let us know, we have a translator phone for further communication. Relax for now, he is doing fine. You can stay with him."

And I would have also let him know what to expect to see us doing throughout the night as we monitored his son and not to be alarmed. It wouldn't mean anything was wrong, it would just mean we were doing things to continually monitor him b/c there is a lot of things we watch to ensure he is doing ok.

Isn't that more assurig to a parent than, "Good, He is good." Especially when you don't know that language?

My preceptor didn't take the opportunity to translate anything meaningful or reassuring to this adolescents father which didn't sit right with me. I can't imagine being in another country and having my adolescent child's heart operated on, they replaced the aortic valve, repaired the mitral valve, did a hemiarch and an arotic root resection. That's huge. Can you imagine that being done to your kid and not being able to communicate with the staff and physicians?

Anyway.

The last thing he had translated back to us as he started to cry was, "The only thing I ask is that you please take care of him like he is your own."

PPA

2008-02-05T23:13:00.000-05:00

Parking Wars.

The show based on the Philadelphia Parking Authority. If you live in or around Philli you've had encounters directly or indirectly with the PPA.

Philli is a horrible town for parking anywhere at anytime.

I had my car ticketed while we were sitting on a bench waiting for my friends boyfriend to pick her up 10 feet away from my car. My boyfriend walked over just as the meter expired and the attendant was waiting at the back of my car for it to expire but we thought we were ok b/c we were literally right there. Nope. The attendant said she still had to write me the ticket b/c she already started writing the ticket and she couldn't cancel it. What a crock of shit. Did she think we were stupid?

Then get this. Parking tickets aren't that much @ $25.00 back then at least, when I got the ticket. So if you get a ticket, you leave it on your car b/c the law says they can't ticket you twice in 1 day. You'd pay $25.00 or more in a parking garage. So you leave the ticket and then you'd be good for the whole night. So we are sitting there still waiting for my friends dude to pick her up. This car pulls up in the square and parks totally illegal in front of a business, the dude gets out, walks over to my car and takes the ticket off my car and puts it on his car! WTF?! My friend saw it before I did. Before I even knew what was going on she walked over and snatched the ticket off his windshield and bitched him out. He was trying to park for free. The balls people have....

I also had my car towed before. I thought I was safe b/c I didn't see a sign for No Parking. I parallel parked and a friend parked in front of me. The sign must have been 20 feet in the air and blocked by a tree b/c it wasn't there. I came out of a friends house down by south street and my car was non existent. After calling the PPA who couldn't tell me where my car was b/c they had no record of it. I literally jumped in front of a tow truck coming down the street and asked the driver where the lot was for the section of the city we were in. Luckily it was in South Philly. I tried going home at midnight. $150.00 later I finally was home at 3:00am.

What a racket. Down by the lots, it's nothing but a parade of tow trucks coming and going, coming and going. You can't imagine the racket it is until you see it with your own eyes.

So if you get a chance take a peak at the show Parking Wars. It's a chuckle.

If you do, don't forget to let me know what you think!

Not For The Faint (Revised)

2008-01-11T15:11:00.000-05:00

This was an internal strangulation of the bowel. See the 2 ends of the red part of the bowel? That's where it was pinched together causing this patient major pain. Good picture of this anatomy. See the yellow? That's Visceral Fat - that's the fat that surrounds your organs. That's the fat they talk about when they refer to heart disease, apple shape people. That's the fat they want people to reduce.

This is a chest wall mass AKA chest wall tumor. This patient let this go way too long. See the mass at the top? The chest is open like a clam shell. See inside the chest at the bottom on the left back? You can see the 2 ribs running across the back. The lung is deflated to avoid injury during surgery and to allow room to work and to allow visualization. You can see a portion of the lung just below the ribs I pointed out. It's the purplish tissue in the middle of the open chest. See the blackness in it? That's what smoking does, some worse than others. You will also see that from air pollution so all you non-smokers don't have clear lungs either. This is also a good picture of this mass.

This is the same patient after the entire chestwall mass is removed. The surgeon is packing betadine soaked sponges in the wound while we were waiting for plastics to come in and close. If you click on the picture and look at in enlarged you may be able to look into this wound and see that white middle part. It's mesh and cement. You can actually see the fibers of the mesh among the cement. (I can see it on my computer) We recreated a chestwall for this patient b/c we took out that portion of his ribs b/c of the tumor you see in the picture above. Plastics had to take a small soft tissue flap from the back in order to close this gapping wound. It looked nice at the end. I wish I would have taken a picture at the end. It actually looked close to normal. Up on the right is a chest tube placed in the Pleural space - the space between your lungs and chest wall. It drains blood (b/c of the surgery just performed) and also prevents pneumothorax which is air in the pleural space which collapses the lung. Pretty interesting, huh?

This is a spleen. The bottom right you can see a laceration. There may be another laceration at the center bottom and to the left as well. This patient fell a long distance while intoxicated and ended up in our ED (emergency department, no longer called ER). I forget what it was, he was stable but I think it was his hemoglobin that tipped them off b/c he was on the unit for a few days before they brought him to the O.R..

This is just a posterior view of the spleen where the dissected it away.

This is pericardium. The leather like sac surrounding your heart that is filled with fluid. When they do a pericardial window, they enter through your diaphram or the side of your ribs and puncture this sac to alieviate the pressure the fluid is putting on your heart. If too much fluid is in this sac it causes cardiac tamponade and doesn't let your heart beat and sometimes they remove it b/c of infection too. You can also see a section of our stringer there with various instruments.

This case, I just did last night. Gun shot to the abdomen and legs. It got his colon, small bowel and kidney. In this picture you can see his kindey at 1:00, the dark redish, black stuff is the laceration in his kidney from the bullet. See the retraction device and blades retracting around it? If you look at the blades above the kidney you'll see dark brownish looking tissue. That's this patients liver. It's being retracted so we can get to his kidney. See the whitish sac to the left of the liver? That's the gallbladder. The darkness inside it is bile which is actually dark green. Then, of course, you see bowel peaking through the hands of the people retracting it.

Our Trauma department is one of the busiest in the country b/c of the amount of violence related traumas we get. It is literally like a war zone and our hospital gets the majority of them. It's the only hospital in the country that teaches trauma surgeons how to take care of solders in Iraq by treating civilians.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures as much as I enjoy surgery.

Saying Goodbye To The Operating Room

2008-01-08T20:13:00.001-05:00

It's hard to believe that I am leaving the Operating Room. I love surgery and I love the operating room. I'm going to the CardiaoThoracic ICU b/c I need a year of that experience to go to anesthesia school. I will be getting a Master's of Science in Nursing and a Master's in Anesthesia so I am extremely excited about that. It's called a MSN/MSA. That's nice.

So this change is very necessary.

Be Nurse Strong!

2008-01-08T19:49:00.001-05:00

Some of the most hard working people get dealt such a fucked up hand in life.

One of the hardest working nurses I know came here from the Philippines, raises her 7 kids & gets Leukemia & now she's out for the count.

Glad To Be Home - Up North

2008-01-04T16:08:00.001-05:00

I went to a Gun Show with my uncle while I was in Florida over New Years. I've never been to one but I heard my Dad talking about going to them at various locations like the Valley Forge Convention Center. I've been there before for a boat show. It's nice and big and bright...I think you know what I am getting at.

This place was in the back woods, one room place. You walked in and along with your $6.00 fee you got a ball of armpit shoved up your nose for the duration. It was mighty fine, let me tell you. Everyone sounded like Boomhauer from King of the Hill (like seriously) but that wasn't the craziest thing and don't get me wrong. I'm not judging anyone. I'm just saying, "What an experience it was." At one point Kev started talking really loudly like Boomhauer and I almost died right then and there. I don't really know if I almost died from shock or from finding it hilarious b/c he fit right in but I immediately told him to stop b/c these people were going to shoot him and my suspicions were confirmed as soon as we went further down the isle to read the AntiEveryOneButRedNeck Bumper Stickers. They were the most horribly prejudice things I've ever seen and I can not believe anyone would ever even buy them let alone put them on the bumpers of their vehicle. My disbelief was soon shattered when I walked out to the parking lot to clear out the armpit smell upon leaving and there I saw a truck with a bumper sticker that said,"Coon Hunter" How disturbing is that?

Then there was the guy, a vendor, that refused to talk to me b/c I was there with my boyfriend. I guess I was there with a guy so therefore another dude couldn't talk to me. How weird is that?

Needless to say, I was glad we left there. Couldn't get out of there fast enough.

It was the creepiest place I've been and it was a disturbing experience to witness that amount of blind ignorace.

This Is So Bogus

2007-12-14T18:58:00.000-05:00

I really hate articles like this. It is reporting problems with wrong site surgeries and why those problems exist. They don't quite hit the mark with their explainations and it hits one of my nerves.

It starts out by talking about "universal protocol" that went into effect in "2003". Universal protocol is a fancy term for what we call in the operating room a Time Out. We've done time outs since I've been working in the operating room and thats been 10 years. Just b/c something isn't law doesn't mean it isn't being done to protect the patient or the institution. Alot of times patient safety protocols are in place and it becomes mandatory much after studies have been done to prove it the effectiveness of the protocol.

A Time Out includes 6 points - and before you pass the scalpel the RN Circulator should be the ONLY one initiating the time out and she calls out to the room. This is Patient Haywood Jablomi for correct patient, correct surgery, correct side, correct site, correct implants if any, I personally say the patients allergies, and family present in waiting area or the family spokes persons name and their status.

This is an excerpt of the article that bothers me:

"The problem's not going away," said Peter Angood, vice president and chief patient safety officer at the Joint Commission, an independent organization that accredits most of the nation's hospitals. "Organizations don't like to do this. It's complicated for them to do. Surgeons tend to resist it."

The mistakes at Rhode Island Hospital suggest that the precautions can still be thwarted by the human element _ ego and overconfidence on the part of surgeons, and timidity on the part of nurses too afraid to speak up when they see something about to go wrong.

"There's a big cultural issue in most operating rooms where there's a hierarchical culture there. A surgeon is used to being the captain of the ship, and his or her word goes," said Diane Rydrych, assistant director of the division of health policy at the Minnesota Health Department. "If there's a culture where people are afraid to say anything to the surgeon because they're afraid they're going to get yelled at, that's a problem."

Among surgeons, there is a "sense that `I'm very well trained. I've done this procedure 100 times. It's not going to happen to me,'" she said. "Surgeons need that. You don't want an underconfident surgeon operating on you. But that's the downside."

Here's my thoughts. It's not complicated for institutions to implement and use "universal protocol". Surgeons do resist them with all their might UNLESS they are put in their place. Nursing CAN NOT enforce universal protocol unless we have support from the institution. The surgeons need to have consequences for ignoring Time Outs and disregarding them and scrub personnel need to withhold the knife until the RN Circulator initiates the Time Out. It's easy to say - Hey we're ready for a time out. You say to a physician, you can not start yet we need to do a time out, he says bullshit right to your face and asks for the knife from an uneducated tech that is scared to piss him off. The tech listens to him and hands the knife before you can get the chart thats 4 inches thick, turn to the consents ( I always do my timeouts with the consents, I don't care how many times I check with the patient, residents and fellows, there's so many times the attending comes in and says we are doing this, this , this and that and one of those things isn't on the consent and that's after 10 people checked it with the patient) It's just proper to do your time out while looking at the consents as well. You might be asking why I'm not ready to do the time out when they are? B/c when they drape the patient and pull their stuff up to the field my tech throws off her suction and her bovie cords and what ever else she has and i am plugging them in as fast as I can, they don't wait until thats plugged in and ready to go - they just want to cut and catch up later, thats why. They are impatient bastards. you try to initiate a time out and they interrupt you and say, "I know, I know, time out time out, chestwall mass for patient haywood jablomi - does everyone agree? Good. So do I." They don't wait for anyone to answer, they don't care about correct side or site. They don't care about any of it. It's clear to see why the RN should initiate it. She can read it directly off the consent, verify everything and then all the surgeon and anesthesia staff have to say is, "Agreed".

It should go like this: Consents are verified in pre-op or even in the room before the patient is sedated, you check their ID for a 2 point identification, do your interview. Get the patient on the table, prep, drape, pull your stuff up to the field, throw all your stuff up and let the nurse plug it in and make sure it is working properly the - EVERYTHING STOPS - RN announces Time Out, Surgical representative (attending, fellow or resident ) and anesthesia team (ttending, redisent or fellow) agrees. Once everyone agrees the knife is then and ONLY THEN is it handed to the surgeon.

That is a correct time out. I have never seen it happen in the time that I have been working where I am now and they do not care. We had a big to do about Universal Protocol and I brought that up and not one head of department cared. It matters. It's very common at my place to do oh shit time outs, you cut skin and then do a quickie time out to say you did one b/c your names have to go on the chart to say who was involved in it. It's no good when you cut skin on the wrong site.

It seems like this "correct" time out is long and drawn out but it doesn't take any longer than starting a case regularly. It's like 30 seconds and if you knew how many things were delayed in a surgical case this is nothing and it's safely.

What bothers me the most, I think, about this article is that it talks about the surgeons needing to have that ego to be confident and they have this attitude like I'm well educated and I'm not going to have anyone tell me what to do let alone a peon nurse or an institution I bring money into by doing my cases here. That is their attitude and administration lets them get away with it but thats another story. My thing is, would you want a surgeon that wouldn't care about someone protecting HIS patient, his own practice to prevent a law suit and protecting everyones practicing license in the room and the institution we all work for? To me the attitude is ignorant and should NEVER be allowed in a physician serving the public. THEY ARE SERVING THEIR PATIENTS THEREFORE WITH ALL THEIR EDUCATION THEY ARE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE. You can be confident and respectful and humble. There is no reason for their behavior.

Although this article does address the O.R. hierarchy - it's probably the only place it's being addressed. The surgeon and anesthesia are kinda equal. If the patient is having a surgical issue, the surgeon is the man. As soon as it becomes and anesthesia problem, anesthesia calls the shots even if it means closing the case before it is completed to save the patients life. Then it is the RN - who runs the room, then it is the scrub who is the authority in the room on sterile technique although everyone should be aware of themselves - they are not. We all have equal authority to yank each others chains. None of this matters with a time out though. The hierarchy doesn't matter. I don't understand how a nurse can be timid when it is a patient safety issue and when it's their own license on the line. There's just no fucking way I'd let an asshole surgeon take my livelihood away from me.

I haven't been involved in wrong site surgery (excuse me while I knock on wood) but I've been in the O.R. when wrong sites have occurred. One was a wrong eye muscle correction. I'm not sure that it would have happened in my room b/c I am so anal and freakish about shit but I can only speculate that. I didn't know this fellow that was doing the case and when I don't know someone, i don't trust them, even attendings so I literally will stand 2 feet from them and watch their every move until we are under way. So does that mean I would have caught it, or would I have assumed like everyone else?

This is what happened. A co-worker was in the room, she interviewed, checked he consent, did a correct time out. Where I used to work, we did correct time outs. The fellow repeated the correct eye as she was putting the eye drape on the patients face and then draped the wrong eye. She was literally standing above the patients head with the drape ready to put it on the face and said (for example b/c I don't remember details) Left Eye and then put the drape on the right and no one caught it.

So in this situation, you have all protocols in place, and she even said the correct eye and the nurse verified it again with te consent as she was draping with 2 other members of the surgical team at the field and it still went unnoticed. Vigilance is what that's called. People need to be vigilant and anal. People laugh when I say you have to be anal as hell when you work in the operating room. Do you want something like that to happen you or do you want to take my word for it when I am training you?

Another friend of mine wasn't able to peform his timeout and resulted in wrong-site surgery for a craniotomy but it only went as far as the skin, lucky for the patient. He is a vigilant nurse. I was shocked. It can happen to anyone. When there is humans involved, there will be error but let's not make it b/c no one cares to facilitate safety measure that are already in place.

It's an easy thing really. Institutional support and an exact procedure to follow for it. I know another institution I worked for instituted this and it worked beautifully. They told they surgeons that they would be removed from the O.R. immediately and their cases cancelled for the day if they disregarded a nurses timeout initiation and the techs or scrub nurse was not allowed to pass the blade until it was done. It works beautifully.

Good News

2007-11-11T02:48:00.000-05:00

I got the job in CT / SICU!!!!! (Cardio-Thoracic Surgical Intensive Care)

I found out Tuesday.

I won't start until January though. It's a lateral move in the same hospital so I have to wait until my manager wants to let me go.

It's going to work out good though.

I can't wait!

My plan is to stay here a year and a half and start anesthesia school next may. So I'll get my Masters in Anesthesia.

PHAT!

It's in motion!

As soon as I start my training , I am going to start completing my application stuff for school.

The program I want to attend says you don't have to take the GRE's if you have a cumulative GPA of 3.2.

I think I have that. Definitely in nursing school, I am not sure about my earlier years in college....I wonder if they mean just for my BSN or for everything.

I wish I knew these things.

Anyone know?

Sometimes You Feel Like You Lose

2007-11-11T01:28:00.000-05:00

The last few weeks at work have been especially brutal.

Just rough. Busy. Tough.

It's a peculiar time of year for the O.R. - not all O.R.'s but the one I work in. It's mixed with mega mega busy then slow with the exception of traumas coming in and the occasional coding patient that has to be brought back to the O.R. for bleeding issues or some other crazy issue or it will be a mix of both - busy, busy all throught the day and evening and everything will start winding down then we will get the traumas or the coding patient in the midst of this quietness.

Aside from my rambling, this week was especially hard. I can't remember Monday but I won't forget Wednesday or Thursday.

Wednesday I relieved in a case at 7pm. Patient had a ruptured AAA (Triple A or Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm) was intubated for 6 weeks, developed tracheal stenosis and now was brought to the O.R. for a tracheal resection and tracheostomy. Case ended fine with the exception of admissions calling in the room constantly trying to find an ICU bed for this patient. They decided (before I came in the room) during the case that this patient needed a ICU bed post op. Admissions must have called in 20 times. We were extubated and our patient was breathig spontaneously BUT we just did a tracheal resection and placed a trach. (short for tracheostomy) and he needs a vent on stand by. Plan was to take him to PACU (recovery) and then to ICU. Somehow CCU (which is kinda like a step down) comes into play - the fellow wants to go home - admissions is calling 20 milion times. I was not changing the type of bed we needed, all 20 times I reiterated that the attending MD wanted to recover the patient in PACU and then transfer to ICU. Admissions doesn't understand why we wanted to recover the patient in PACU - it's so we could get back to the O.R. fast if we needed to, there is anesthesiologist there to protect this patients airway...a whole slew of reasons. Finally I gave the phone to the Fellow and told him to talk to admissions b/c they weren't listening to me. I call PACU and get respiratory over there to get a vent ready and it takes PACU over an hour to get us a spot. This whole time our patient is comfortable, breathing spontaneiously and following commands. While we were waiting I put his arms on arms boards and we had a bair hugger (blows warm air) on him to keep him warm.

2 hours later, I get a page over head, my patients coding on the unit and they are comig down stat for a neck exploration. I think I am really the only person on my shift that really knows thoracic surgery. So I go running to set up the room. Patient comes down on a huge unit bed, we transfer him to the O.R. table and I look at his arm....he has a fucking full thickness burn that runs about 14 inches long and 6 inches wide - there's no skin left - I am looking down at the old man's tissue that's burnt and oozing. I yell to the room," What happen to his arm?" The freaking unit nurses are trying to get the cord to their bed and leave and one says,"I don't know, that happened down here."

BULLSHIT!!!

I shot right back at her,"No, it did not. He was my patient and his arms were fine. How did he get this burn?" One of the anesthesiologists that responded to the code on the unit told me ENT was trying to get an airway on him and they must have had a lighted scope and they set the light source box on the bed - he went to pick it up to get it away from the patient and it burned his hands - he was asking them multiple times to get the box away from the patient before he picked it up. It was during a code though but still, there are so many people involved in a code, there's no excuse for that.

Here's a typical code - 20 people respond - 4 to 5 do the majority of the work and then you have people that run for shit so the people that are actively participating in the code have what they need to continue working...and it can be multiple people running but it is usually one task....and then you have the majority of people standing around waiting to see what's going to happen and if they are going to need to run for something....that's a lucky code.

All this happens at like 10:30pm. Shift relief comes in at 11pm so I passed the case off once we got started.

I come in the next day and ask how our patient turned out and he's fucking brain dead in ICU - there's nothing more we can do for him and the attendings trying to figure out where it all went wrong. I felt so bad for that patient getting burned and then to find out he's brain dead? Damn.

Talk about root cause analysis. Holy shit.

That was Wednesday.

Thursday, late in the evening we get an A-line injury. A-line is like an IV but for your artery - it's called an arterial line or A-line. So the patient lost flow to the right upper extremity (right hand) and needed to come down for a thrombectomy. Patient comes down on contact precautions for MRSA, nurse gives me report and blah, blah, blah he has amiodarone running (it's a drug). The first thing I look at is the surigcal consent, blood consent and check allergies - it says he is allergic to amiodarone. Clearly if it is running and has been, he's not that allergic b/c he is not having a reaction - that's my thinking BUT it says he's allergic so to me he is. So wtf is that about? Some patients think an adverse reaction is being allergic to a drug. Like throwing up or being nauseous from pain killers. It doesn't mean you have an allergy, it is just an adverse reaction to pain kilers.

Anyway, if I was that nurse giving report to me I would have made sure to mention - patients chart says he is allergic to amiodarone but he just experiences an adverse reaction so don't be alarmed, the attending is aware and we couldn't give any other drug in it's place.

An explaination is nice.

So we continue with the case. As with ANY vascular case we use heparin diluted with saline. My scrub hands the MD heparin, he asks if it is Hep. Saline. Yes, it is. He starts freaking out - the patient is allergic to heparin and is being treated for it.

WTF??? I immediately get the hep saline off the field and replace with normal saline or NSS and tell him that a heparin allergy is not noted in the chart, on his bracelet, in the computer charting and wasn't told to me in report. This stops him from freaking on room staff. How would we know that if it wasn't documented anywhere? He is the only one that knew that.

This fucking sucks. Anything else going to go wrong?

Of course.

Case gets done and housekeeping, of course, doesn't make this patients bed...so I am scrambling to do it. Must be nice to not be accountable for anything you do at work. So I make this bed, as soon as I make it a medical student jumps in to use the transfer board and puts the pad on backwards, I go to the roller board and fix it and it's about the time we are getting ready to transfer...anesthesia counts 1, 2, 3...

There are 4 huge men in the room and I am 4'11 and I am the one on the receiving end of this patient which means I am the one that has to pull him onto the bed. What pusses. The fellow is on the other side, doesn't pay attention to the drain coming out of our patients back and pins it on the transfer pulling it out completely.

Nice.

Am I really working with these idiots? Is my name really going to be on these records? Am I going to get called to any depositions over these 2 days.

At this point I can not fucking wait to go home.

These are just 2 memorable cases of my week. The worst cases of my week among many hard ones.

I come home Thursday night and am so happy to go to bed only to wake up at 3am violently ill untill 6:30am.

What a shitty end to a brutal week.

The Switcheroo

2007-10-26T23:19:00.000-05:00

I switched to a Macbook.

This is the first time I posted since...well actually the last post but I noticed that I didn't have any font settings.

So does anyone know what I should do about that?

Some of this is going to take some getting use to b/c I am not the most computer savvy person...alittle savvy yes, but not the most...no....

Friday Feast Copy Cat

2007-10-26T23:07:00.000-05:00

Appetizer: Name a great website you would recommend to others.
PostSecret

Soup: On a scale of 1 - 10 ( 10 being the highest) how often do you dream at night?
1 or 2 - Really not at all unless I am under the influence of something like pain meds or alocohol.

Salad: Did you have a pet as a child? If so, what kind and what was it's name?
Yes, it was a gray cat and her name was MeowMeow. I Love that name.

Main course: If you had a chance to star in a commercial, what would you choose to advertise?
Beauty.

Dessert: What is your favorite type of hard candy?
Cinnomin Discs.

My Cake Turned Out Like Ass

2007-10-13T23:06:00.000-05:00

It was my 1st try. I guess it is obvious I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to baking cheesecakes. LMAO.

Check These Out

2007-10-07T00:37:00.000-05:00

Promise Activ Super Shots

They come in Raspberry, Strawberry and Peach.

They actively lower cholesterol or so they advertise so I am going to have them twice a day.

I'm really a freak about this.

I also drink Pom Pomagranite juice - all you really need is about a double shot every day.

Fish oil - 1000mg twice a day - and don't forget to freeze them take them on an empty stomach, wait a little bit them eat and drink yogurt.

Fresh fruit and veggies.

That's what I try to do.

If you have any tips, feel free to add them.

It Really Happens!

2007-10-07T00:13:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't win the lottery...

but I did walk in on a case and it just so happens that we were performing an I & D which is Incision and Debridement of a left Thigh with vacuum drainage and a vacuum drainage on the right thigh. Why? I didn't know. So I walked into this case to relieve the scrub to go home and I see this tissue that doesn't look normal at all...I mean....it doesn't even look like infected tissue that we would normally debride...it looks plastic-y and I hear the surgeon talking about silicone....

Come to find out - this individual injected industrial / commercial silicone into their thighs at an injection party....

That rang a bell....as I thought back to a CSI I saw a zillion years ago...or so it seemed, it was so vague in my memory...No fucking way. I am actually seeing this with my own eyes. Why would someone do this to themselves? By then we were taking off the drapes....I came in at the tail end of the case....

It wasn't a chic...it was a dude with boobs. Yes. Penis and boobs. Quite weird to see right there in front of your own eyes. Not that there is anything wrong with that if an individual wants to do that. I think this person was in the middle of a sex change and just had not got to the part where they transform the genatalia yet...

Anyway, in the end - It was sad. People go this route b/c they don't have the money for regular plastic surgery. What they don't realize is if they can pay an illegal injector to do this for them in cash for half price or a little over half price, sometimes the difference is a grand - they can sure as hell put this chunk of money down to a plastic surgeon and probably get more done safely especially in a university hospital with a fellow for cheaper and get financial assistance with a mega cheap payment b/c they wouldn't be financing it all. They would only be borrowing a couple grand instead of all of it. See what I'm saying?

He was only doing this to feel right in his own skin. Imagine the inside not matching the outside. It must be an extremely hard life to live not just for the individual battling with the self but also battling with society. It's a hard struggle all around no matter what way you look at it. The least we could do is understand.

I thought he was beautiful. I wish he didn't do that to himself.

Good Trick

2007-09-21T01:10:00.000-05:00

Here's a good trick for those of us with high cholesterol or borderline high cholesterol...

If you find yourself having to take fish oil pills (usually 1000 mg twice a day) and you want to avoid the nasty taste in your mouth then FREEZE them.

Freeze them, take them in the morning on an empty stomach with something cold and the 2nd time before you go to bed and that makes twice a day. My theory? Having an empty stomach lets it get to your small intestine before it breaks down enough to give you any nastiness.

Sounds weird and sounds like it wouldn't make sense b/c after all ice cubes melt when we swallow them so surely they would too...

It works.

I've been doing it for at least a week and a half now and I've yet to experience the horrible taste of fish oil....yuck!

If for some reason you do experience a nasty taste, drink a yogurt smoothie. That will take it away.

I can not take full credit for this trick that I have learned - I must give credit to the medical student that suggested it in the O.R. while Kevin was scrubbed in a case, however, I can take credit for the yogurt trick b/c that's how I use to take it before. I use to take it with a yogurt smoothie and keep another on hand just in case.

I think I have genetically bad cholesterol levels so I am trying everything to keep from going on medication.

Thought I'd share. So there ya have it.

Enjoy.

Not Too Shabby!

2007-09-17T11:27:00.000-05:00

Our friend Matt came out 3rd in the WSOP Europe last night.

It's the 1st time they have held the event in Europe.

He's coming home with about 900,000.00 and an experience of a lifetime.

Not too Shabby.

I'm Not Thinking In Paragraphs

2007-09-14T22:45:00.001-05:00

I went to work Thursday morning at 11am and didn't leave until 7:30am Friday morning. That's what happens when you are on call. I only got to sleep from 10:30am til about 12:30 b/c I had a hair appointment.

In other EXCITING NEWS our friend Matt has this crazy story. Avid poker player, plays in AC all the time and online at Bodog. One weekend he gets his girlfriend playing on Bodog on his account, he is teaching her how to play poker - he gets her to enter a little tourny and he guides her blah blah blah - she ends up winning like 2000 and some change but since he guided her she didn't want the money so he turns around and enters this tourny - GET THIS - 1st, 2nd and 3rd place wins a 10 day trip and a spot in the World Series of Poker in England. He places 2nd. They send him to Men's Warehouse, have him fitted for a suit and have it waiting for him when he arrives in England. They give him $3000.00 spending money while he is there. Hook him up with his place to stay, of course, give him a pick between a Mercedes, BMW, Jaguar or Land Rover to drive while he's there and on top of it all if he gets on tv - for every time they focus on him or a camera catches him with a bodog t-shirt or hat on he wins a pre-determined amount of money and if he places in the tourny he wins additional money from Bodog.

IT GETS BETTER.

So today I am getting my hair done - Kev calls me all excited screaming Matt took out Phil Helmuth. NO FUCKING WAY! That's awesome! Matt really respects the dudes play and watches him on tv and stuff and so does Kev so this was just so exciting to hear.

This is how it went down.

Phil had pocket 8's. Our friend Matt had pocket Queens!
Phil moved all in. Our friend Matt Called.
Matt flopped a fucking QUEEN!!!! - and it was all over for Phil Helmuth.

Remember This Guy?

2007-07-15T09:10:00.000-05:00

Bob Ross?

The Painter - that use to come on TV - he was the hippie dude with the fro.

I was watching VH1 I love the 90's 3D and they had him on there for a few seconds.

That guy -

He was Pot...that you watched.

Spartan Fireworks

2007-07-01T20:36:00.001-05:00

Kev and I bought $400.00 in fireworks from this place in Chester today.

I have to admit, I didn't want to go. I wanted to go to the place we always go to - a little further away - out in the middle of nowhere. Kev wanted convenience, after all, this place was right in Chester - it was close. So, ok - we go. We get awesome fire works.

3- sticks Dyno Mighty Mite (It's like 300 fire crackers going off at once)

2- Grand Bloom Flowers

1- 2000 Saturn Missle Cake

4- 25 Saturn Missle Mini Cakes

1- Jumbo Morning Glory

1- 4 pack Day Parachutes

1- 2000 Roll Fire Crackers

1- 80 Pack individual Crackers

1- Sunflower

1- Guliath (36 Mortors)

1- Panther Pride (Was suppose to kick ass)

1- Crazy Exciting on Steroids (was suppose to be another awesome one)

1- Perpetual Motion

1- Loyal to none

1- Thunder Bomb

That would have been a boat load of fun right there.

BUT

2 undercover state troopers from Jersey were in Pennsylvania at this place. They followed us over state lines where they had a "task force" waiting for us "criminals" to pull us over at the base of the Walt Whitman Bridge.

A State Trooper SUV swooped in right behind us and we knew right then and there.

Sidenote: I was leary of this place the whole time.

Anyway, they pulled us over, took our shit and 40 minutes later - left Kevin with a ticket for Possession of Fireworks.

Is that the silliest thing you've ever heard? Possession of Fireworks.

Loosing the fireworks sucks but what pisses me off the most is that 2 state troopers were across state lines where they have no juristiction and they followed us until they could pull us over and get us in their little "sting operation" so they called it. Is that even legal?

It seems like a violation of your rights on so many levels. Does that mean my state could just randomly follow me into other states and observe what I do then when I get back in my state say - hey, our state doesn't agree with that so here's a ticket - pay us and give us your money and have a record b/c we don't agree. Seriously, when does it end? Where is that line?

And they can say anything about you they want.

They watched us load them in the back of the blazer and I tucked a blanket down in between so they wouldn't bump each other. Then when we were driving back to 95 North we passed the road we had to turn on to get there so we went around a block and got back on the road.

These cops actually asked us if we were trying to lose the undercover cops like we knew they were there. Um, yeah...we were trying to lose them with our stealth-like maneuvers going 25mph through a residential area using our directional taking our time so we wouldn't get lost. We were never up in the area before and weren't really sure where we were going.

Then they were like - and you were concealing them with the blanket. I wasn't trying to conceal shit. I have tinted windows. I didn't want them to bump together in case we had to stop fast or short or something but you can't tell them anything b/c you are a "criminal" in their mind.

How about go out on the streets and do something about the gun violence, drugs, domestic violence or drunk driving - and so I took it upon myself to crudely look up a few stats:

Firework National Fatalities 2005: 4
Firework National Injuries 2005: 10,800 (Patients treated and released)
Injuries occuring between 6/18 - 7/18: 6,500

Alcohol National Fatalities 2006: 17,941 - not including drug/illegal drug related deaths
Total Traffic Fatalities 2006: 43,300

National Homincides 2005: 14,860
NJ Violent Deaths: 365
Philadelphia Gun Deaths 7/1/2007: 200 - and that probably went up over the weekend

National Firearms Related Deaths 2000: 52,447
Accidental Firearms Deaths 2000: 23,237

National Domestic Violence: 5.3 Million
80,000 Women, Children and Elderly

So to me "Firework Possession" is pretty ridiculous.

Our Justice Sytem is Absurd

2007-06-16T22:41:00.000-05:00

Not that you didn't know that already...

But check this out.

I was watching 48 hours Mystery about the Camm murders in Indiana. Ex cop comes home from a basket ball game to find his wife and 2 small children shot in the garage.

A sweatshirt containing DNA was found at the crime scene with word Backbone written in the collar, a palm print found on the side of the SUV and his wife's shoes were place neatly on top of the SUV with the toes pointing out. 10 other guys can testify that the husband was at the game playing basketball and the guy is being convicted of these murders.

He did 5 years and was let out b/c the court ruled he had an unfair trial, there was other evidence there that was never processed including the sweatshirt which had DNA evidence.

So he gets out. They process the shirt after 5 years and a hit comes back on the federal database for felons. So they hunt down the Backbone guy. His last name is Boney. He's been arrested 11 times for violent acts against women including assault with a firearm multiple times AND he has a fucking foot fetish - he used to rob women and take one shoe - which explains the shoes neatly place on the SUV at this horrific murder scene.

He initially denied everything and makes up some story about how he dumped his clothes in a charity bin...blah, blah, blah.

To make this long story short. When they caught him, they dropped the charges to Camm but then 3 hours later hit him with conspiracy and the prosecution was going to try them both in separate counties.

They try Backbone first and jury comes up with Guilty - sentence 225 years.

Then they try Camm - the Judge throws out the conspiracy charges b/c of lack of evidence that a conspiracy even existed. They jury comes back with guilty for Camm and his term is something like 125 years.

Do you see where I am going with this?

My question is: How can a Judge who threw out the conspiracy charges allow a trial to go on when another man has been convicted of these 3 murders and the evidence against this other man places him at the crime scene???

Not only that, but there was a Chic's DNA on the sweatshirt as well. It was Backbones girlfriend at the time. She said the night of the murders he came home with a gun late at night and his behavior was excited and hyped. He woke her up and showed her a gun.

Do you see what I am saying?

And the reason the jury did not pick this up? They were not even told about the Backbone dude. How can they make a judgement beyond a reasonable doubt when they were not given all of the evidence and all of the facts regarding the case?

How fucked up is that?

No body cares about the system until its their own rights being infringed on and no one cares who makes the rules until one day you realize maybe the person who makes the rules is a little skewed and has a different view than you.

Which reminds me of all the cameras on the traffic lights. First it was - they were just putting them on lights to aid in accidents - to see what happened...now they are using them to give tickets. To me, that's a form of entrapment.

We are one nation under surveillance...and the worst part is no one cares.

Trauma Case Update

2007-06-16T22:17:00.000-05:00

Thursday, they brought Dude back to O.R. to continue fixing his broken bones, close his abdomen, place a colostomy and do whatever else they needed to do at the time.

It just so happened that I didn't have an assignment so I went in the room to help out and to see what was going on and see the extent of his injuries. When he came in the night before, we heard about him and we were told they were going to scan and then coming to the O.R. While he was in scan, his pressures kept dropping and dropping and they could no longer control it medically so they rushed him up to the O.R.

If you are asking why we were continuing to fix him the next day instead of doing everything the night before, the reason is this: with trauma patients it is better for them to get them in the O.R. as fast as possible, fix only life threatening injuries and stop bleeding then take them up to the SICU and treat them medically. The O.R. is a harsh environment for trauma patients. They already are in shock, their bodies lose the ability to clot with the more blood they lose and if they were given alot of IV fluids to bump up their pressure initially before being given blood or blood products, that effects their clotting factors as well b/c you are basically diluting their blood to give their heart something to pump so you can prevent cardiovascular collapse until you can get blood into them, they are hypothermic and can get more hypothermic in the O.R. if we don't stay on top of warming them and that makes them more coagulopathic. So it's better to get them in and out and take them to the unit, get them nice and warm and manage them medically and get them stable before enduring alot more time in the O.R..

So back to dude.

Not only did he break both arms, both legs and blow out his ass but he broke his spine in a few places and his pelvis. That was one helluva failed suicide attempt.

It was a good thing I went in b/c they were having problems with their sponge count and I wasn't about to let them blame it on my case. I knew 10 were in. In my case we left 10 sponges in him - 7 in his abdomen and 3 in the hole that was his ass/taint. I am a FREAK about that shit. I made everyone count 3 times extra in my case. I wouldn't have been so anal but I had a new scrub scrubbed with me and I wanted to make sure I didn't miss sponges being passed to the field by this new scrub while I was busy with something else. She was scared in the case b/c it was her first trauma but she did fine.

I get sidetracked....so come to find out someone threw a sponge in the trash and that's why their counts were off but we found it and everything was fine but the scrub in that room was trying to insist that maybe our count was off and I am glad I was there to say it wasn't.

Yay!

Anyway, we'll see this dude a few more times, I'm sure.

I just feel so horrible for him.

Crazy Trauma Case

2007-06-13T23:14:00.000-05:00

I couldn't believe the case that came in tonight.

I shouldn't say that b/c with trauma you never know what you are going to get but it just so happens in the part of town that we are in we get GSW (Gun Shot Wounds) mostly.

Anyway. Dude is brought in after jumping from 5 stories. You have to feel bad. He suffered from mental illness.

Bilateral broken arms. Bilateral broken legs. Worst of all, the impact caused a laceration of his "taint" the size of the diameter of a 2 liter coke bottle. His ass does not exist anymore. Was a crazy site to see.

I don't even think my explaination does it justice. Worst yet, this patient was so young.

What a shame.

4 Things You Can't Recover

2007-05-19T10:53:00.000-05:00

The stone...after the throw.

The word...after it's said.

The occasion...after the loss.

The time...after it's gone.

Talk Soup

2007-05-18T20:00:00.000-05:00

It's fitting I guess.

I would delete this whole damn blog too if it weren't for the few entries that I remember that make me smile or laugh...and I am too busy or I lack the patience/focus to go through all 200+ of them to see what they are and look at how crazy,stupid,insane or bored I was when I posted these entries.

Also I wonder if I hit the delete if it would delete the blogspot address too? I want to keep that b/c after all, this IS my blogspot, right?

So, yes, I deleted the O.R. The searches I'd get from that were insane. "using a sternal saw" "thrombin and gelfoam" "hate nursing" "fem fem bypass circulator nurse" "raytecs" "gloving surgeon" - if you are working in an O.R. and you don't know this....I feel sorry for your patients.

Anyway it was a pain in the ass saparating the 2. We've had some pretty good trauma's coming in lately but the weather is much nicer and with that people go outside and shoot each other more. So there ya have it. Weather is our predictor. It's true. I am not joking one bit about that.

I don't know if anyone read it on my other blog but I was in on a trauma gun shot that came up, we went through 32 units of blood, chest, groin and abdominal incisions, initiated CPR 3 times and called him - ring a bell from the other blog? I actually met one of the COPS that was there when the guy was shot - he was shot by the police. Not that it's a big deal or anything but it's just weird isn't it? To work on a patient, whether the patient was in the right or in the wrong, I am not there to judge that - but to work on a patient that dies from a gun shot then to meet the officer that was there that says,"Good, call me when he's dead." We all walked down to get coffee from WaWa on a slow night towards the end of our shift and this COP was in there.

Just thought that was a weird.

So moving on, my spring started out with some loss. My grandmom passed away April 2nd. My mom's friend passed away a few weeks after that from a brain tumor. She was only in her mid fifties. They've known each other since they were 7 years old. That was a hard one to swallow.

I thought my grandmother passing would make cry and cry and cry. It didn't. My heart ached. I felt the loss of her. I thought I would be beside myself with grief...but I wasn't. I hardly cried. My eyes filled with tears but they didn't fall. Maybe because I mourned her more before she died. I did cry so much the entire month before after I'd visited her. I knew the end was near but I really didn't know how near.

Her viewing made me miserable. It didn't look like her and I hated every minute of it. It seemed like a fucking eternity. I wanted to console my mom and dad but everytime one of them would break down someone else was there to hug them and be with them and the last thing i want when I cry is to be enclosed by multiple people. So I kept my distance and stood miserable and numb while trying to keep the look of it off my face. 3 hours of this. 1 hour open casket for the family and 2 hour closed for the public. Finally when it was time to say our last goodbye's for the evening. I took my cousin, Chels, by the hand - she didn't seem like she knew what to do- and we walked up to my grandmom and I said,"Grandmom, I am not saying goodbye b/c I know I will see you again. Come and visit us when you are ready. I love you."

I was getting a migraine from rain coming in - barometric pressure dropping seems to do it to me. Over the next 2 hours I was just dyin'. I wanted to be anywhere but there. Finally i went out to the car and took my migraine medication which makes me feel tired drunk...like your whole body feels heavy and weak. The next day was her funeral. I think you can sum up the whole trip with miserable.

For some reason I feel bad about that but I understand it. It was just something I did not want to do and I just wish I could hear her talk about her life one more time. She was so little and so sweet and so couragous. I love her so much.

She came to visit me the other night in a dream like I asked her to. They always do if you ask them to. She is the 3rd person to visit me...and it is only once so far for each.

She was standing far away by a white fence full of flowers. She looked young and vibrant and she was waving to me very excited. She kept waving and I kept trying to get closer. I was so excited to see her, I startled myself awake in the wee hours of a Tuesday morning.

I feel bad for my mom. She lost her mom and her best friend. One died before her birthday and one died after it. Seeing my mom lose her best friend hurt. Ya don't like to see your mom hurt. They knew each other since they were 7 years old. Her name was Veronica. My mom called her Ronnie. My moms been going through this ordeal with her since January. She was taken to the hospital unresponsive then transfered to neuroscience where Kevin works and where I used to work. Kevin actually scrubbed in on her case. he knew immediately she had the worse type of tumor you coud have. I with-held it from my mom until the doctors told her family but they didn't seem to tell her family the whole story. I finally drove over to my moms at midnight when I got done work one night. I couldn't take seeing my mom wondering whether or not her best friend had a chance to live or if she was goin to die from this. I told her what type of tumor it was and what it meant. We cried. It was hard to witness my mom experiencing not only one loss but 2 such great losses so close together. Both the people she confided in the most died just weeks apart. There was such chaos surrounding Ronnies death. It was really a shame. She was such a wonderful good woman and I am glad she was apart of my mom's life.

What else is 2007 going to bring?

I am thinking about going into Legal Nurse Consulting. I am at such a crossroads with the clinical aspect of any type of nursing work. I would stay in it minimally, like 1 or 2 days a month. Consulting sounds like it would be interesting work and the pay sounds good too.

Something to think about.

Have a good weekend people.

I am WHACK

2007-05-01T21:37:00.000-05:00

WoW.

It's been a long, long time since I have allowed myself the to delve into the wonderful world of self absorbed - blah, blah, blah...

Did ya really think something something profound was going to come out of me?

But none the less, yes, it's been a long, long time.

I do miss it. It's fun, in a way and it's kinda me time too.

Today I had off and instead of the nornal mad dash to fit in sleeping late and clean the entire place spic and span and do the laundry and check my finances and look in on my little project (yes I am still working on it) and do whatever else that needs to be done...I said screw it.

It's not just me time. It's a me day.

I walked 3 miles and on my cool down stopped by a detailing place that I never realized was on the corner of my condo complex. I just never drive that way and actually thought it was a used car lot with an old building...never really looked at it. It's right across the freaking street. That is so great. I can drop my car off and walk home!!! Yay!!!!

I stopped in at my gym, got a pedicure and a manicure, stopped by a dance studio to check out lessons for Toni and myself but it is ALWAYS closed so I have to check out another place. I just thought this place would be convenient b/c it is right by my place. No banana.

Then I came home and indulged in 2 chic flicks: My Super Ex Girlfriend and The Holiday...and ate some Taco salad that my mom left for me last night. She leaves dinner for me sometimes when she knows I am busy and getting home late. She knows I never cook dinner during the week b/c I don't get home until midnight. The only semi normal meal I eat is lunch. I really miss cooking dinner. I guess it's not that...I just miss a normal schedule.

I look for a more normal schedule after the summer I guess. I've been looking at Master programs. Either Masters in Science / PA or MBA Masters in Science / PA or Master in Nursing NP even though I hate nursing but I would go for emergency medicine in adult emergency medicine or Masters Anesthesia or Med school which has always been my dream. What the hell else am I going to do in life...but if I go to med school, will it really be worth it to incur the debt for the time it takes? But does that matter as long as I fulfill my dream? That's my dilemna. That's what is stopping me from making a move.

Anyway. That's that.

Goodnight.

2007-01-06T01:13:00.000-05:00

Out Of My Mind

2006-12-17T23:11:00.000-05:00

I finally sit down to blog and I can't blog.

All I know is shit has been crazy and I am about ready to freak.

My Aunt had her surgery and has been recovering at my place quite nicely.

I am all wigged b/c I have to have a LEEP procedure done tomorrow to hopefully prevent cervical cancer if it hasn't already become invasive BUT the cells came back moderate to severe and the severe is actually considered a cancerous cell.

So where does that leave me? I asked the doc. She says, let's not go there. I trust that but it still doesn't stop the what if's, especially since I had a friend's sister in the SAME exact situation as me who ended up with full blown cervical cancer who had to end up getting a hysterectomy, radiation and chemo. I don't know the ending of that story. I haven't talked to that friend in a few years and I am scared to call and ask so I won't.

But none the less, my little minor surgery is tomorrow (there is no such thing as minor surgery, I've seen people die in "minor" surgery) and I was hoping it would be at 7AM but it's not - it's at noon so that blows ass. Ignorance is bliss poeple. It doesn't help that I am an O.R. nurse. No I am not getting it done in the O.R. I work in. I do not want the people I know and work with looking at my crotch but that might happen anyway since the people from my old O.R. staff the place I am going when they are short since it is my old health system b/c I like their physicians better. The doc that is doing my procedure was a resident when I worked in labor and delivery when I was in nursing school. My doc is changing health systems and is not performing procedures during this last month so in order to get this done ASAP, I had to go to this one.

So, to make a long story short, I have been a freak and a half. I am scared, I am worried, I snap at Kevin but I am not really "snapping" at him - I am just lashing out, like a release of the stress and worry I feel and I don't think he realizes it until something stupid makes me cry.

Like my brother blabbing on the phone over some stupid fight he got into with the dude he use to live with - it goes a little something like this. Dude wants him to come up and visit. Bro doesn't want to. Dude gets pissed. Bro gets pissed. Dude says fuck you. Bro says fuck you more, I have excuses. Dude says I don't care, I'll try to make you feel guilty. Bro says fuck you more for trying. Dudes really saying, I'm hurt because I want to see you and I want you to want to see me. Bro is saying I'm tired and maybe a little selfish or I just don't want to come up right now but I will later, accept one or the other but not both and I am hurt b/c you said fuck you to me and I am not having it so fuck you twice. Dude says fine fuck you and I'll never talk to you again. Bro says fine, I call and raise. Dude says call, show your cards. Bro says, Fine but look at all the memories these cards hold, are you sure you want to drop those cards b/c your family is coming and you will be all alone? Dude says, I don't care, it's all I got. So, in other words, Dude says, I want you to want to love and care about me on my terms and Bro says I want you to love and care about me on my terms but we both aren't willing to compromise for each other or let each other go so let's both be immature jackasses and drive each other crazy and fight constantly all the while they are both unwilling to see the ridiculousness of their conversation. He's talking a mile a minute in my ear and I can't take it anymore, I can't even process it, then he asks me what's going on with my procedure as if I haven't told him anything about it all fucking week.

I just lost it and had to get off the phone.

What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with the people around me? I bought this awesome make up stand from ikea. For those of you who know me, I have enough make for 25 people and that's being conservative. So this make up stand, it's really like a counter, is freaking awesome and I bought a set of 4 mirrors to be separated by spacers to go above it. It's white and really modern looking easy to clean and I love it. He came over to help hang them today. I need to be busy otherwise, I will drive myself crazy. I leave the house and forget my keys, I walk out in my slippers. I am just not myself. Shit isn't moving fast enough for me. If I could have hacked the tip of my cervix off myself I would have done it the minute I found out I had cancerous cells there. (This is coming from a person that will start IV's on myself and suture myself so believe me, if there was a way, I would have) Anyway, when we are done, he looks at me and says, "When are you going to get real furniture?" What the hell kind of comment is that? Why would my father say that to me? How about I bought it because it is what I wanted and because I liked it. Where the hell did that come from? Especially now? When I am sensitive and worried and having surgery tomorrow?

Are people out of their fucking minds?

I guess it's just not me out of my fucking mind. I am just ready to fucking lose it.

And the cherry on top is I got a ticket on my way home Friday but I really don't care about it. I got pulled over for one thing and got a ticket for another - having tinted windows in the state of New Jersey. Fuck You New Jersey! How about that garden state. Merry Christmas Officer Berger for a job well done. Usually cops will gives nurses a professional courtesy but I guess Washington Twp cops have no idea what that means since they are not use to throwing gunshot victims in the back of their cars and driving them to the hspital b/c they don't have enough time to wait for an ambulance. They don't spend long hours in the O.R. with us in good ol Wash Twp. We aren't supplying them with a hose to wash the blood and brains out of the back of their car. They don't know what it's like to sit in the O.R. waiting for evidence to be extracted from a person and to have the nurses there feed them and joke with them and screen their blood pressure to make the time pass a little shorter and make their job a little easier. Sometimes we have up to 12 officers in our O.R. waiting. I bet it gives the boys a nice little break. Yeah, I work in a good part of town. I bet Officer Berger would piss his little pants if he had to deal with the shit the city cops do. But he's just trying to give me a "break" isn't he. I bet he feeds that line to everyone he pulls over. I respect cops but I don't respect the ones like him.

Goodnight people.

Sorry for the negativity but I am just trying to deal.

Otherwise I am in a good mood, if you can believe that.

I am going to wrap presents and keep busy and drink my last cup of coffee.

Technically, nothing after midnight but I am not going in till noon so it's really 7 hours before surgery, so I know better.

Well wishes.

It's Been A While

2006-12-03T23:18:00.000-05:00

Wow.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving.

Hope it was good.

I was sick all week but it was ok.

We had Thanksgiving at my place. That sucks. I don't know how my mom did it for all these years. Everyone has a great time except you b/c you are the one cooking, cleaning and preparing and setting and then cleaning and preapring and setting and cleaning again and then everyone goes home when you finally get a chance to sit down and enjoy the fire burning in the fireplace. You get no break b/c you want to get things done so you don't have to do it later. Kev crashes on the couch and everyone leaves. All I wanted to do was sit down and have a few glasses of champagne. (I don't like wine.) I gave up on that when I got caught up in the whirl wind of cleaning and shit after dinner...realization set in real quick.

Yea, that was my first. It was nice. Turned out beautiful and great. I loved my table. I am so untraditional. I had a black runner and my table is a long black/brown rectangle. My settings were leopard and black plates. LMAO. Was funny. Looked cool though.

Kev was rinsing the turkey and he pulls the organs out and he's teasing the kids, he says,"Look! This is the heart!"

Bubs (our 5 year old) looks at it, all innocent and says," Is Jesus in there?"

His ex-wife's mom tries to be pseudoreligious and tries talking to the kids about God and Jesus. I guess she told them Jesus in everyine's heart. LMAO so he thought Jesus was in the Turkey's heart. He cracks me up with the stuff he comes up with.

He won his little Karate Tournament. The end of the little test in his age group was to break a board and he broke 2 stacked borads so he won the tournament. I was so happy for him. I am so so happy to see him do something like that. I don't care how small it is. It is big to me b/c I know his body is so fragile and at anytime it can change and he can be in the hospital in kidney failure needing a transplant.

Tonight just a winter tease. Possibility of flurries but not really.

Anyway, in other news.

More New Jersey

2006-11-03T11:22:00.001-05:00

You know you're from South Jersey if...

You've had arguments over cheesesteak quality or are always on a quest to find a good cheesesteak (That's right!)

You've actually found the Echelon Mall (I've been there)

You or one of your friends have Lyme Disease (My dad had a scare)

You don't understand why there aren't more 24-hour diners elsewhere in the country

You know what a Wawa is, and know the location of at least 10 of them (Can't live without Wawa)

You know that you should get the hell out of Camden before dark

You say "water" "wudder" ( I don't, I'm normal)

You refuse to call Hoagies "subs."

You've almost fallen asleep on the parkway, NJ turnpike and I-295

You've lived through hurricanes, nor'easters, blizzards and fires, but have never seen a tornado, earthquake or volcano

You know that ACME is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation

You have mandatory recycling. Enforced by law

You've made a meal out of Tastycakes, Herr's BBQ potato chips, and Taylor Pork Roll

You know New Years is all about the Mummers and the Polar Bear club

You can go bowling at 1:30 A.M. (Midnight bowling, a dollar a game)

Route 206 doesn't freak you out at night (I broke down on 206 before, a whole group of us going to camp in High School, I think we were going to Batsto)

Your mom still loves Bruce Springsteen

You know it can be -10 degrees and 70 degrees in January in the same year

There's a fruit and vegetable stand down the road (There's one each way!)

You will always say "YO", and you'll say it often ( Right On)

You go to another state and sit at a gas station wondering when the people will come out to pump your gas (Sometimes it takes a minute to realize)

You know that no matter how much they put into the Camden waterfront Camden is still camden (Yea, but I'd like to see it thrive and change)

You think North Jersey is a different state and South Jersey deserves its own secession (Not really but there is a difference)

You have season passes to Great Adventure

You know where Olga's Diner is on Rt 70 (I do)

You are tired of people not believing you're from Jersey because you don't have a New York accent (North Jersey has the worst accent, I'd take Philly any day)

You drive by a farm every time you get in the car (We have a few farms by us)

You know what "jimmies" are and refuse to call them anything else (They can't be called anything else!)

Your neighbor is either a painter, a plumber, a builder, or an electrician with a work truck in the driveway

You have crossed all 5 bridges into Philly at one point in your life (So True!)

You have a story about the "Hell Hole" ride in Wildwood

You took your report card to Clementon Park for free tickets (I don't like Clementon Park but I have been there as a kid - it's all ghetto now, so I heard)

You know know what funnel cake and water ice are and think something is wrong with people who refer to them as "fried dough" and"slush"

You've ever driven around aimlessly for hours with your friends saying "So, whatta we doin?"

You ever drove all the way to the shore just to walk around for 5 minutes then drive back (lol)

You know of at least 3 bars where you know they wouldn't card you (So True)

You lived near a "crick" not a creek

You never could figure out which was the Black Horse Pike or The White Horse Pike (I know - one is rt 30 and one is rt 168 - the key is knowing the numbers!)

You know that a "Yield" sign is merely a suggestion (lmao, so true)

You don't think you have an accent (No, we don't, everyone else does)

Everything is "twenty minutes away". If you ask how long it takes to get any place in South Jersey, the person always says, "about twenty minutes". To get to a mall, "Oh,about 20 minutes". To get to the airport, "Mmm, about 20minutes." To get from Runnemede to Philly, "Only about 20 minutes". Try it. Only the shore areas take more than "twenty minutes". They're usually "an hour and twenty minutes." (Oh my god, that's so true, lol)

You went to StoryBook Land as a kid

Every time someone in Hollywood makes fun of Jersey, you're mad and proud at the same time (LMAO)

You describe where you live in reference to how far you are from Cherry Hill (Not really, we just ask the exit on the high way or Turnpike, usually everyone knows the exits to the Turnpike)

You would drop everything you were doing and run to the voting polls right now if you heard we were voting to make North and South Jersey separate states (Nah, I like Jersey the way it is)

You know all of the "back roads" to get everywhere and prefer them to the expressway (back roads are good for traffic jams, problem is, everyone else knows them too)

A Passion For Vettes

2006-10-10T19:22:00.000-05:00

I am watching a show on the making of the C6.

Pretty interesting.

I love vetes.

Don't know why. Always have, since I was a kid.

I've driven them since I was 20 and I imagine I will always have one.

It's funny b/c once you own one, you begin to know what was with what year. The knowledge of them kinda sinks into you and you don't realize how much you know about them.

Watching this show though, you'd never think of how much goes into making them. Most people think of corvette and they think fast instead of agile when in reality they are made for both. I like to think of slalom.

Sometimes I don't fully appreciate mine until I have to drive my boyfriends saturn. Then it humbles me. Out of my 3 cars, my vette gets better gas milege even thought it's a V8 b/c it's so light...lol...

Funny.

Ew

2006-10-10T11:36:00.000-05:00

I go out on my back porch this morning to clean it and there are 6 huge stink bugs.

1 on the wall

4 on one chair that seem to be having some sort of meeting

and one on my little table

What the hell is that?

They must be the smart smart one's in the bug world as they seem to be avoiding the concrete.

They must know and sense the bug spray and raid that has drenched the perimeter of my porch therefore they are using the walls and my furniture as little islands of survival.

Or it could be that they see all the little corpses of their little bug friends and don't want to end up like them...but isn't it funny that it is only the stink bugs and now they are congregating together?

Maybe it's mating season. Ew.

Anyway, that's why I went out to clean, I have luttle bug bodies, all over. I bought bug spray and it seemed to work, but not for long then I noticed on a raid can I had - it said - "LASTS FOR 3 MONTHS!!!" So I thought, "Hmm, Let me try that!" It freaking works! Who would have thought? You think of Raid for killing on the spot and that's it but I spayed the perimeter of my porch and in cracks and on the tracks of my sliding glass door and everytime I go out on my porch there are dead bugs. It's actually really gross. I feel bad. I am going to pay for it when I die. I bet I am going to have feel all of their pain.

I know, I know, I am a freak.

Blonde Moment

2006-10-03T00:54:00.000-05:00

Forgot what I wanted to say...

Preston and Steve

2006-09-20T00:06:00.000-05:00

If you haven't checked out the link already then you must...

The Preston and Steve link to the right of my blog. Browse. You'll like.

Actually, check out a pod cast. They are so freaking funny. You'll die.

Click on audio and then on sound bites.

My fav (at least my fav that they have on there) was posted on 6/14 (it is archived into months)

It's from SNL the one that says HI!

Take a listen. I want to use it as my ringer on my phone.

LMAO!

Cute E-mail Joke

2006-09-06T14:18:00.000-05:00

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.

On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in summer shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the emarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, needed three stitches in his forehead.

What Are You Doing This Stormy Labor Day Weekend?

2006-09-02T08:55:00.000-05:00

Me?

I didn't really know until yesterday. My day off. When I woke up after gloriously sleeping late...oh but wait, I sleep late every day. Ok. After gloriously sleeping later than I normally do, only to wake up to CRRRRAAAPPPPP! (Crap should be Spoken like Austin Powers Fat Bastard)

Yea, it was miserable out BUT there was something good in there. The wind was blowing all over the place. Even the trees didn't know which way to go. It was a cool 61 degrees out. The rain was just nippy, enough to make the slow setting on the winshield wipers make that annoying sound across your winshield. Everything was soaked through.

The kind of day reminded me of an October day, a good Fall day. Funny it was September 1st.

The coolness reminded me of my 1st week of nursing school. It was so hot the August before school started. As soon as the first day of school came it was cool and breezy like Fall knew when to arrive on que with the school year and it stayed that way right into winter from that point on.

I hope we have a helluva cold and snowy winter this year. I am on the ground floor in my condo, I have a fireplace and my view off my porch is great. It's like a garden meadow with huges pines. I have a bird feeder and a hummingbird feeder on my porch and I have a little tiny animal that lives in the heater closet thats outside my porch. He runs the perimeter to get back in everytime we are out there. He doesn't care if we are there or not, he's going home! He's so damn fast though, I can't get a good look at him. If he decided to come inside and chew things then I'm going to have to do something but for now, I'll watch him run by and try to get a good look at him.

So, since it was such a fall day yesterday, I bought a purple mum to put by my front door.

Today? A rainy mess.

I think it's a good day for shopping and for movies. Home movies so we can cuddle on the couch with comforters and be lazy since it's been so crappy and cold out.

I am going to chill. I am on 24 hours of call Monday.

Now to figure out what to make for dinner. Maybe another attempt at getting the kids to eat mexican food. I just don't understand it. Me and my bro ate mexican food. I don't remember a time where we didn't. I even tried making soft tacos and roling them into thin cone like shapes and calling them unicorn horns. Didn't work. Oh well. I read somewhere that you have to expose a kid to a new type of food at least 18 times before they will accept it as a norm. That's just fucking nuts.

At any rate.

Happy Labor Day.

This Is Fitting:

2006-08-11T21:06:00.001-05:00

Hello, I saw you, I know you, I knew you

I think I can remember your name

Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself I think I thought you were someone else

Should we talk about the weather?

hi, hi, hi

Should we talk about the government?

hi, hi, hi, hi

Hello, how are you? I know you, I knew you

I think I can remember your name

Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself I think I thought you were someone else

Hello, my friend, are you visible today?

You know I never knew that it could be so strange

Hello, I'm sorry, I lost myself I think I thought you were someone else

Hi, hi, hi

Hi, hi, hi, hi

Hi, hi, hi

Hi, hi, hi, hi

Hi, hi, hi

Hi, hi, hi, hi

So. I always think, Oh! Wow! That would be something to blog about. Then I forget...or I get busy and forget....needless to say, one way or another I forget BUT right now...right at this second, I have something to blog about in the operating room, so be sure to check it out.

Check This Out

2006-08-07T22:10:00.000-05:00

92/70

That's Phat.

That's my pressure tonight as of 10:30pm.

That's great considering everytime I checked my pressure in the last year it was some sort of crazy pressure not to mention the week before I moved, I hooked myself up to an EKG at work and my heart rate was 126 and my pressure was 142/92. That was fucking nuts and I was having anxiety chest pain all day that lasted 12 hours AND I was stuck at work for those 12 hours. I think that's what was causing it. I just wanted to be home getting stuff done but I was trapped there. How much did that suck? I was Tachycardic, Hypertensive and having major anxiety.

What the fuck was I on the last time I posted. Christ. I shouldn't post when I am so tired and my mind won't shut down.

Speaking of...Treasure Hunters is on...I'm not really in to it or watching it but I happen to love Philadelphia and they happen to be in Philadelphia and I love when I recognize places in the city on TV.

For instance: When the Real World was in Philly - The use to go to Club Shampoo alot. They shot down at the water front a few times...South Street. One of thier meet and greets and one of their goodbyes were down there. Their place was in Old City...Very close to where I use to work. Kev saw one of the guys walking down Walnut street the one day. The entire show was cool to watch b/c we know everything in the show.

The Movie National Treasure: When they were down at Independence Hall and then they get into that chase. If you lived here, you'd know it was completely unrealistic b/c one minute they are at Independence Hall and the next they are running through the Reading (pronounced RED-ing) terminal (the place where the chic hides behind the counter - looks like a flea market type place) the reading terminal is like 2 blocks over and like 6 blocks up from Independence Hall so the time frame of the chase doesn't add up in the movie and it doesn't add up again when they go from the Reading Terminal to City Hall. If you rememer, I have a picture somewhere in this blog, it might be called The City at Night and it's of City Hall on a bitter cold winter night. I was on my way to the Brew Pub in Philly which just so happens to be right across the street (literally) from the Reading Terminal up around 12th street. City Hall is 14th Street...actaully 14th is Broad and it's where Broad and Market cross.

So Back to Treasure Hunters - They were just at The Union League on Broad Street. That's a funny place b/c if you remeber the movie Trading Places. That's the Gentleman's Club Eddie Murphy was in - the one with all the portrait paintings on the wall. Yes, it is a real place and yes, those portrait's are real. I've been there and yes, it was and is a real gentleman's club and until recently women weren't allowed in. How recently, I don't know. I went there a few years ago for a resident dinner. A few of our residents were graduating and that's where it was held. So take a peak of that movie, you'll crack up b/c that's exactly how it is, now imagine being there in person. It's crazy.

Didn't know it was going to be story hour did ya?

Me either.

New Jersey

2006-07-07T02:16:00.000-05:00

If you've ever lived in Jersey...you'll appreciate this!!!

New Jersey is a peninsula.

Highlands, New Jersey, has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

New Jersey has the highest cost of living. (Not good)

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance. (Not good)

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation. (Again not good)

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the "Diner Capital of the World. (I love diners)

"New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (no, not Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll. (ew)

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions. (I love sausage with peppers and onions)

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius. (That's the truth)

New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventorJohn P. Holland.

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation's most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch,Cape May.

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along our coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country. (Wonder if that had anything to do with the syringes washing up on shore in 87)

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy. (Yeah!)

New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production(and here you thought Massachusetts?) Yep, we have them growing wild in the woods too...blueberries, that is...cranberries need boggs...

Here's to New Jersey - the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken. (Go Jersey with the spirits!)

New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940. (Alcohol and Rock go hand and hand)

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US,located in Elizabeth. Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first.

New Jersey is home to one of the nation's busiest airports (in Newark),Liberty International. (The planes take off right over the turnpike, it's cool if you are driving northbound at the right time)

George Washington slept here. Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington. (My bro lives up by Washington's Crossing, huge historical area around here...everywhere around here actually)

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion pictureprojector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory. (I worked up by the Edison Museum once, never went in though)

We also boast the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.

The first seaplane was built in Keyport , NJ.

The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport,NJ.

The first phonograph records were made in Camden,NJ. (Oh that is so funny! The actual building that the phonographs were made in was converted into condos now called The Victor Lofts on the Camden Water Front)

New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.(Too bad it moved, I wanted to start a tradition of taking Toni to the pageant every year)

The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City And Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world not to mention salt water taffy. (and roasted peanuts)

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains.

New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)

New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City.

The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.

NJ built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson(Holland Tunnel). (I take the Lincoln Tunnel when I go to NYC)

The first baseball game was played in Hoboken,NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.

The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick in 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton).

The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ,(but they're all gone now!). (Now it's all ghetto and the murder capitol of the United States...ya aged well ya old lass)

New Jersey is home to both of "NEW YORK'S" pro football teams!

The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.

The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.

All New Jersey natives: Bob Meade Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis,Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilso n, Alexander Hamilton, Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T, , Robert Blake, John Forsythe, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue,Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr., Dave Thomas (Wendy's), Willi am Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, Steven Speilberg and, of course, Francis Albert Sinatra and "Uncle Floyd" Vivino. (Should have just said everyone...and the red headed chic on That 70's show! and more!)

The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the second highest waterfall on the East Coast of the US.

You know you're from Jersey when . .

You don't think of fruit when people mention "The Oranges."

You know that it's called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter. (Philadelphia Cream Cheese)

You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.

You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M. (yea, lmao, who hasn't?)

You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery. (oh totally, I hate that cliche/assumption)

At least three persons in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from. (too funny, I know Bon Jovi's home town)

You know what a "jug handle" is.

You know that WaWa is a convenience store. (I love WaWa! How does the rest of the country survive?)

You know that the state isn't all farmland.

You know there are no "beaches" in New Jersey--there's the shore--and you don't go "to the shore," you go "down the shore." And when you are there, you're not "at the shore"; you are "down the shore."

You know how to properly negotiate a circle.

You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

You know that this is the only "New" state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (try . Mexico . . York ! . . Hampshire-- doesn'twork, does it?). (lol)

You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.

You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege. (Or mustard on a hoagie)

You don't think "What exit?" is very funny.

You know that people from the 609 area code are "a little different."

Yes they are!

You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton--that's for out-of-staters.

The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.

You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls. (Yes, so true)

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers. (Totally)

Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony.(lol)

You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.

You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.

You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way. (Belmar??? Must be a different Belmar.)

You weren't raised in New Jersey--you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey....(and to North Jersians Central Jersey is South Jersey and South Jersey is South South Jersey....way down there...)

You don't consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.(True)

You remember the stores Korvette's, Two Guys, Rickel's, Channel, Bamberger's and Orbach's.

You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.

You've had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.

You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.

And finally...

You've NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER

pumped your own gas. (It's quite nice in the rain!)

So Much Is Going On

2006-07-02T00:26:00.000-05:00

Just a few quick notes.

I am so tired but I have neglected my blog so long.

So since last weekend - I've found a bigger place to move to...very soon. Started packing and throwing a layer of leaving paint up.

I received my EIN by mail even though I had it from when I registered online but still I have the paper in my hand.

I also recieved my State registration for my business. I am now officially an employer in the state of NJ.

I have my final samples. I received the originals but wanted to change the font, so I did that and received another set of samples and I am ready to go with that but I had to put it on hold to move....but I am right freaking there! Ugh!

I was also informed by my bank that my ATM card was apart of a security breech in which my PIN was obtained and to please come in to get a new ATM card. You bet your ass I did that with the quickness.

So. Just gotta keep movin!

But right now, I am going to sleep.

I packed some and painted all day. I am dyin' and I have no idea why I am still up. My Dad's coming to help me tomorrow. Thank god! My hands hurt and I need some sleep.

Hello bed.

Outta Here!

2006-06-21T21:12:00.000-05:00

I am outta here!

Yay!

Movin' to a new place!

A bigger place that not on the 3rd floor!

I'm so happy about that!

I Made A Funny!

2006-06-12T22:13:00.002-05:00

Me and Kev are watching Hell's Kitchen.

The chic's won a challenge and went out to dinner with Chef.

So they show them having dinner as the chic's are kinda narrating parts of the dinner and one says something about getting to know him on another level.

So I turn to Kev and say," See honey, instead of a MILF - he's a CHILF."

LMAO

Funny, eh?

You have to laugh at that.

Be Decent -

2006-06-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

Hall of the Monkey King prompted me to create this post.

I wanted to comment on his post but it would have been too long.

I don't understand people that litter. Why????

Didn't their mother's raise them right?

Are they that ignorant?

Is the world one big fucking trash can to them??? (Apparently)

Do they care about the environment at all? (Probably not)

Here's a few things me and Kev have seen lately:

Man walking out of WaWa, unwraps a tasty cake and just let's the wrapper fall to the ground as he's taking a bite walking right by a trash can.

Kid walking on the side of a road, guzzles the last of his liter of pepsi and just drops it on Commerce Banks manicured lawn.

A woman situating herself as a passenger in a car in a parking lot, rolls down the window and just drops a crumpled napkin out the window onto the ground without even skipping a beat.

Is it really that hard to find a trash can people?

If I can't find one I take it with me.

Why?

B/c it is my trash, my responsibility. That's why.

I also think as a society maybe we should overtly start looking down on people that do litter so blatantly and say something to them....Like,"Excuse me sir/ma'am? I think you dropped this. The nearest trash can is over there if you'd like to throw it away." and hand their litter back to them while telling them where the nearest trash can is which is probably a few feet away....but make sure you say it really loud so other bystanders can hear what you are saying very clearly and if the trash is something gross like a tissue then just point to it.

This will do 2 things- 1) It will embarrass them. 2) It will protect you.

Because you know people will turn around and look.

Any decent person would be embarrassed and feel stupid.

If they still don't care I would say,"Why do you want to be a cancer to society and litter like this? That's discusting. Why should someone else pick up your crap b/c you are too lazy to throw it away? It's your trash, it's your responsibility."

If the person still refuses to pick it up or starts giving you some lip service, then drag the bystanders in by saying, "You guys are decent people, wouldn't you agree???" Reiterate where the closest trash can is. Who knows, maybe someone will chime in.

Of course if you are going to do this, use discretion. You might not want to say something to someone while walking home in the dark after 3 hours of drinking cocktails after work. You might, however, want to say something to the hag on the train who leaves her yogurt cup in the seat.

I was thinking this out. This is what came to mind when I saw that woman drop a napkin out of the car window. She was next to my car. I was going to say something to her. I decided against it since Kevin's kids were with me. If anything would have escalated, I didn't want them to be a part of or witness to it.

I just think, if society as a whole didn't accept it, maybe we wouldn't do it.

BE DECENT, DO THE RIGHT THING AND THROW YOUR TRASH IN A CAN.

Center City

2006-05-26T22:07:00.000-05:00

Went to dinner in center city last night with my family for my bro's birthday.

He is staying in center city during the week for his job training.

He is training at my old hospital.

I used to work in center city. I miss it.

I am still in the city but not in center city.

I wish I could live there.

It was nice to be in the city at night.

The city at night is my favorite.

Just something about it.

2006-05-13T20:51:00.000-05:00

My samples came this week.

I am so happy with them.

They are awesome. Still, alot of thinking, doing, building...but that's ok.

I just need the time.

It's in my hand.

Now to see if it sells....

Either way, it's fun to do...and I have to admit...it is an awesome feeling to have something in your hand that started out as an idea in your head.

Just freaking awesome.

My Barometric Friend

2006-05-06T22:44:00.000-05:00

I have been taking notice lately.

I've been watching my headaches.

It seems that I have headaches all the fucking time right? While some might have been stress induced, allergy induced., hormone induced..blah blah blah...I've taken steps to help myslef with this.

I've mentioned these things in previous posts....Topamax and Claritan. I have another thing that I am keeping an eye on.

Barometric pressure.

Seems funny huh?

I am starting to swear by it.

It's is easy to tell the difference between the type of headaches you have...

One sided, severe, accompanied by nausea, photosensitivity - easily a migraine.

Frontal, behind the eyes, forehead, congestion - easily allergy/sinus headache.

A headache that won't go away even though I've taken excedrin migraine, drixoral and muscle relaxors together and it lasts exactly 24 hours and goes away with the onset of a certain monthly present - easily hormonal.

Then there's the headache that throw's me for a loop. Can't really do anything for it. Can sometimes take the edge off but as the headache reliever wears off I can feel the headache coming back to it's full potential...weird huh?

This only happens when it is raining. So I figure it has something to do with low barometric pressure. The pressure drops as a storm comes in, right?

I've noticed it 3 weeks in a row. Every Saturday we've had rain and every Saturday I've had the same type of headache. Comes when the rain is coming and goes when the rain goes. So would I be safe in saying low barometric pressure has something to do with headache onset?

I am going to continue to keep an eye on this.

Maybe I am just fucking nuts and desperate to understand why my head hurts all the fucking time.

But at least I'm trying to understand it.

Anyway, the NorthEast sucks ass. I never remember this much freaking rain. In the last 5 years, it seems, the amount of rain we get has increased. It is always freaking raining. People don;t understand, when it rains up here, it rains all freaking day. It's not like the south where you can get rain everyday for 20 minutes or half hour and it's sunny again. Here, it's a soaking rain for hours on end, your commute sucks both ways, traffic sucks and the rain stays around for days if not weeks and you might get a few days of a break before it returns to depress your ass some more.

Then it fucks with you...it will be nice all week, then it will rain every weekend or every Saturday for 12 weekends straight...or you'll get a month of 20 days of rain or some shit...I wouldn't be surprised if the NorthEast had a high suicide rate.

Dude, I am so bitchin right now.

I hate the rain, it makes me feel like shit. Only NorthEast rain though b/c it last so freaking long.

Ok, enough.

So my theory is : Low barometric pressure = something to do with headaches in some people such as myself.

I Need To 86 Everything!

2006-05-04T16:48:00.000-05:00

...from the psychiatrists couch...I ramble on about my day and the thoughts within it...

I feel like I got alot done today doc. Yea. I managed to make it to my fingerprinting appointment and get a compliment on my makeup by the woman who performed the printing.

As always...compliments on the makeup, as Kevin would say. It's nice though...sending me into a conversation...yes, you guessed it...about makeup and where to get certain hot items...and can't live withouts....

I also made it to a doctors appointment that I was lucky enough to get on less than a days notice. I must report that I am down to taking 2 wonderous drugs. Topamax for migraines and claritan for allergy relief...and that's all folks. That's great considering I was riddling myself with excedrin migraine, drixoral, sudafed, nyquil, nose spray and god knows what else just to prop myself up to feel normal on a daily basis....and I am no longer taking muscle relaxors...why, you might ask? B/c I no longer work for WEH.

I didn't notice it at first b/c there was so much change going on but now that I am a few months out, I notice it like night and day. No more pain. No more neck, shoulder and back pain. I knew it was stress related but I thought it had something to do with migraine as well or something but it had to be totally stress related b/c it is totally just gone and I couldn't be happier.

I know people thought I just liked taking muscle relaxors...which was true but not for the reason they thought I liked taking them. I liked taking them b/c it gave me relief...my favorite part about taking them was the feeling of the onset of action...the feeling that came over you when you knew they started to work...you'd feel it...and the relief that came with it...then the pain and tension in your muscles would go away and it would be replaced by a dull ache b/c your muscles were so tense to begin with...but I'd take the dull ache of relaxation over the pain of tension any day. I didn't take them everyday either...just when it was real bad or if it was in combination with a migraine. Those were always killers. In the last last 3 months, I think I have taken a muscle relaxor 1 time. That's great and I am so glad that I don't have that pain anymore. I wasn't convinced at the time it was stress b/c I seem to think I am super woman and for all you that don't know...nothing, not even stress can effect super woman.

Ya see, people have delusions about certain drugs such as muscle relaxors or pain relievors, especially the strong ones. They would rather live with pain instead of take a drug b/c they are scared they will become addicted. It doesn't work that way. They are not taking the drug for the hell of it to begin with. They are taking it to relieve something. So in short term use, it is unlikely that some one would become addicted or in PRN (as needed) use it is unlikely that someone would become addicted. See? So if you are in pain, then use the drugs the doctor gives you unless, of course you have more serious issues with addiction, then you need to have a convo with your doc...and for this particular post I am speaking for those who have no history of any addiction. So there ya have it.

Ok, so enough of that.

In more exciting news, I ordered my samples from my manufacturer. Yay! I can't wait to see them.

So now that I have been totally side tracked...

It's a perfectly good time to conclude this by being a total and complete copy cat from 2 different sources: the first from emaw_kc at 3 o'clock in the morning. The 2nd from havsumhope at the eMotion Cafe .

Mi - A to Z

Accent: South Jersey/Philli - Take your pick and NO it's not JOISEY - that's more north

Booze: Mainly Martini's but for beer Yeungling Lager

Chore I hate: Cleaning up after people who fail to clean up after themselves

Dog or cat: Both and throw in some fish and some horses

Essential electronics: Cell phone and Lap top

Favorite Perfume: G

Gold or Silver: Platinum

Hometown: Born in Rancocas, NJ - Grew up in LaPorte,TX and spent my teenage years in Williamstown,NJ

Insomnia: It's great when you don't have to get up for work the next day.

Job Title: RN

Kids: 2 that aren't mine

Living arrangements: A card board box

Most admirable traits: Everything...lol...who freaking knows...

Not going to cop to: yet to be determined...

Overnight hospital stays: One night on call...HA! fooled ya! Worked too late to drive home and get up the next day for work, so I went up to the floor and took a bed on the unit so I could get 2 hours of sleep before I had to be back in the O.R. for work - might I add, that's the last time I did that too - I'll suffer the driving and lapse of time even for 5 minutes just to go home...

Phobias: Spiders

Quote: Don't fart in an elevator - it's my own quote - good eh?

Religion: Comedy

Siblings: 1 Bro

Time I wake up: 5am but seriously when I leave work...oh, how scary...

Unusual talent or skill: I'd have to kill you if I told you....

Vegetable I love: ME!

Worst habit: Being so freaking anal

X-rays: Chest x-rays for +ppd tests for work usually only upon switching jobs - foot x-rays - 1 for severely spraining my foot and 1 b/c I hurt it somehow and had a friend that was an x-ray tech x-ray it for me on the dl one weekend so I could take a look see, to see if I needed to go to the doc...lol...and a back x-ray - I sprained my back a few times too....yea, I am just full of sprains - hey but no breaks!

Yummy foods I make: Blackbean dip, Broccoli salad, Grilled asparagus and Campfire chicken.

Zodiac sign: Pisces so don't ask me to eat seafood. I can't eat my own kind!

And this little ditty reminded me of this little ditty so I figured I'd put them both here...

If I were a month, I would be: July
If I were a day of the week, I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day, I would be: 10:24AM
If I were a planet, I would be: Venus
If I were a sea animal, I would be: Mermaid
If I were a direction, I would be: South
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: Psychiatrists couch
If I were a sin, I would be: pride
If I were a liquid, I would be: water
If I were a body of water, I would be: the ocean
If I were a stone, I would be: a river rock
If I were a tree, I would be: spanish moss tree
If I were a bird, I would be: an eagle
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Miniature Rose
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Thunderstorm
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: music to your ears...
If I were an animal, I would be: a panther
If I were a color, I would be: pink
If I were an emotion, I would be: happy
If I were a vegetable, I would be: me
If I were a sound, I would be: running water
If I were an element, I would be: Chemically speaking I'd be Platinum, simply speaking I'd be water
If I were a car, I would be: Corvette
If I were a song, I would be: Principles of Lust by Enigma
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Quentin Tarantino
If I were a book, I would be written by: An Unknown Author
If I were a food, I would be: Yummy!
If I were a place, I would be: Beautiful Waterfalls in Hawaii
If I were a material, I would be: silk
If I were a taste, I would be: Sweet
If I were a scent, I would be: early morning fresh air-when you know dew is still on the ground
If I were a word, I would be: Fabulous
If I were an object, I would be: the tv
If I were a body part, I would be: Lips
If I were a facial expression, I would be: a Smiling face
If I were a subject in school, I would be: Gym class
If I were a dog, I would be: a chinese hairless
If I were a cat, I would be: a bengal
If I were a number, I would be: 5

So there ya have it...

I Propose

2006-04-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

Weekends are just too freaking short....

Soooo, I propose a solution....

How about this...

The 4+3 Work Week

This will solve everyone's problems. How, you ask? I'll tell ya.

For those of us that curently work 5 days a week, we will now work 4 days a week BUT we will work 10 hours instead, giving us 3 days off. We will still be meeting the full 40 for benefits and stuff so none of that will change so everything will be happy in that aspect.

For parents that need to be home with the kids during the week, this solves many problems b/c now we've just created another work week within a work week. We created a 3 12's weekend. Time and a half after 8 would have to be mandatory so you'd get paid for a full 40 for doing 3 12's and of course full time benefits would follow accordingly. This is great for single mother's or if one parent works on the weekends or for fulltime students or for adults who go back to school.....it's good for many people...

How will school fit in??? It will adjust....like this:

Of course it will be longer days so the kids will have a longer weekend as well BUT I think while we are making a few changes we might as well make it biologically accurate as well...this means grammer school will start earlier as young kids wake up earlier and their parents go to work earlier...this will kill 2 birds with one stone...Highschool kids....ya know, the ones who can get up and get themselves to school by themselves can get up and go later, say 9:00am, their body biologically needs to sleep longer and later...why do you think we all slept so late in high school? and why do you think every freaking teenager on earth does this? It is true.

So starting grammer school earlier would help parents with the problems of day care before school, or school starting at the time parents have to be at work....and blah blah blah and most schools have programs where kids can get there early if their parents have to be at work before the school opens...I think every school in every community should have that...- put their gyms to use...let the kids run around and do whatever or just sit in groups - just have free time, throw a few aides in there to watch them and keep them under control, throw in a breakfast program and wala - alot of problems are solved for taxpayers with children in that school and a few bucks for breakfast.

People have a choice to 2 fulltime work weeks. It's very flexible and in today's day and age we need that and we have more time off.

Ok I need to go to bed. I have to do 10 tomorrow. Ugh. But at least I have Thursday off and I can finally get finger printed.

'nite.

My Little Hell

2006-04-30T00:08:00.000-05:00

Thought I'd Share.

Not only has Kev's parents been increasingly getting on my last nerve but I have find it hard to believe they do it with the obliviousness I once believed...

The lack of importance they make me feel...for example...and this seems so materialistic but really it's not...and I mentioned it before in a previous post...how his mom always for every thing whether I watch their dog or if it's a x-mas or birthday present she gives me handmade jewelry that a 2 year old could have made...like literally...it's horrible...and it wouldn't be so bad if thats what she made across the board but it's not...she makes beautiful stuff for her daughter and other people...not that the quality is good, all of it breaks in like 2 hours but it looks better...anyway...you can just tell....for everything that's all she gives me...for the last however many yearas for everythings..it's old and insulting...

It wouldn't be so bad if the obliviousness wasn't there as well...

She kept Kevins wedding pictures up in her house for 2 years after we were together until he finally told her she had to take them down...she even pointed them out to his daughter one day when I was over there with him and his kids...not only that but she says,"Look at your mom, sweetie, doesn't she look pretty?" What an asshole.

Here's another example. I hate seafood. Absolutely hate it. They know it. We go out to dinner with them. They get to the place before us an order appetizers. All of it seafood. I didin't want any appetizers anyway so it didn't matter, I'd rather have salad but they don't know that. If it was me and I knew that about them, I'd make sure to order something that was not seafood as well. Something I knew they liked.

Here's a better exapmle, they invite me over for dinner knowing I hate seafood and have scallops in marinara over pasta. That's a perfect example.

Here's a good one. Tonight before we leave his mom comes up to me with a picture of Toni from her first communion and hands it to me and says,"Here's a picture of Toni, I told Dina I would give it to her if it turned out good." She was fucking handing me the picture to take home for Dina!" How fucked up is that??? Give it to your fucking son you asshole! The picture was taken at Dina's house earlier in the day by Kevin's mom.

Then Kevin's step dad is always riding my ass when we play poker. I think he is just always pissed off b/c I always take him out and I always whoop on him. I am the only one he makes comments to and I am the only chic that can play worth a damn. I never say anything back unless I am joking around and it is usually harmless although the things he says to me can be pretty abrasive...but I keep the peace even though I think what he says to me is pretty rude but I let the hands do the talking...but tonight...I was sick of it...especially with all this shit going on...I dreaded going over there..I dreaded going to dinner with them...hell, I didn't even want to be around them....and they have these friends that play poker like retards....the guys name is Dan and he is a complete idiot...

Me and Dan are in a hand together. The pot is huge...I am raising, he's calling, I am raising, he's calling, I am raising..he's calling...I have a boat - 3 kings 2-9's ...he has 3- 9's and 2 Kings ...I won the hand....

I can respect the fact that he stayed in that hand but I had the better boat...well Nick, Kev's step Dad always has a comment to add when I win...the pot was freaking huge b/c so many people stayed in up until then end, up until we were facing off....

Nick says something to the effect like I knew you had something Dan but I didn't expect her to have anything....so I said...I don't know why you'd say that Nick, I've taken you out of games more than a few times.....and all of a sudden everyone thinks that's harsh....

Fuck that shit. I am sick of it. I play a damn good game of poker. I know my fucking hands and I have a damn good idea of what everyone else is playing too. Why does he have to fucking open his mouth up about me? Why doesn't he do it with other people? Me and Kev are always the last ones standing but it's only me he opens his mouth about. I am not a 4th street and river champ. I play my cards.

His daughters sit there like a bunch of fucking idiots....talking all night like....wait a second...if my symbols match then what does that mean? Do I have anything if I have 3 symbols that match and 2 symbols that match? ...and this ass has the nerve to talk about my play???? Maybe b/c he's the first one out every fucking game and me and Kev are the last ones standing. He can't say anything about Kev b/c that's his wifes son...but who am I? I guess nobody.

Kevins 8 year old daughter has more sense than Nicks grown daughters. Kevin won a hand and Toni says,"Wow, Daddy won that hand with Trips. Yay, Daddy!"

So many times tonight, I was about to stand up and just say, I can't be here right now. I was going to turn to Kev and just say call me when you want me to pick you up and I was going to leave but then I wanted to beat everyone there..and guess what?

Winner! I beat 'em all!

Fuck you all very much!

I am just so freaking frustrated. Kevin is pissed at the whole situation too. He sees it and he doesn't know what to do. I told him that he has to talk to his mom about it and he is the only one that can do it. It's his family and he has to do it. If it was my family I would do it but my family is different. We can call each other assholes and move on and not be offended. We can call each other on our actions and rant and rave and piss and moan and fight and yell and we don't hold grudges. We know we love each other and that's it. Kev's family is weird. They don't talk about shit. Kev doesn't even know how to approach his mom about shit. I just find that so weird.

I would hate not to be able to just come out and talk to my mom and dad or brother. He asked me what i would say if it was my family and I told him what I would say if it was my mom. He can't even fathom having that conversation withhis mom. So I told him maybe he should just come out and tell her that she should stop making everything about her and that this isn;t about her right now and maybe she should stop being selfish.

She doesn't want me to talk to her b/c I will bring it all out...and it won't be good. She doesn't want me to have to tell her about herself. Not that I would be mean but I am blunt and the truth hurts honey and I am not going to spare ya. If you are stupid enough to bring it to this point then I am not going to spare ya. I will not be sorry.

Ok. Just needed to get that out.

I just believe that I am right when dealing with family matters, it is up to the person to take care of their family issues and not their partner b/c they will only look like the bad guy. Kevin should step up and take care of the issues dealing with me...if it was my family I'd take care of issues dealing with him...b/c you shouldn't leave your partner in a situation where your family could perceive them to be the bad guy...they will not percieve you as the bad guy ever...or most likely they won't....see what I mean??? Hell, it doesn't ever even come to that, you are family, so your decisions are always right...lol...even when their not, it's ok b/c you're family...but leave it to a partner and you're partner will be the asshole always...

Anyway...I am going to bed....

Goodnight.

Passed Out

2006-04-29T03:44:00.000-05:00

Oh Yea.

Coma is an understatement.

I came home today and passed out. The kind of coma you go into and wake up not knowing where you are for a second, what time it is, how long you slept or if you should even be somewhere at the time...the kind of feeling like "oh, shit" should I be at work right now??? feeling...turns out it was almost 10:00pm...

That pisses me off so bad. I hate that and I seem to be doing that alot lately. So now, it's 4:47am and I am still up, truth is, I could have went right back to sleep till the morning but I didn't...obviously...

Anyway.

Today was the first day my Bro stepped foot in an operating room. I was anxious to see how his day went and how he liked it. I was glad to hear he loved it and he thinks my friend is the bomb..lol...

He was looking for a job so I had him send his resume to a friend of mine that does intraoperative monitoring. My friend forwarded his resume to comapany headquarters and they flew him to HQ for an interview and they hired him which brings us to today where he met my friend in the O.R. to kinda hang and learn more about what the job entails...

My alarm just went off...lol...too funny.

I am getting a pedicure and my hair done for my hard weeks work....

And then I am going bike riding! Yay!

3 Better Be A Charm

2006-04-26T18:32:00.000-05:00

Ok.

I have some type of severe block about remembering to go get finger printed.

This is getting on my fucking nerves.

New Jersey sucks ass.

This is the last thing I have to do to get my nursing license in NJ.

I'd rather have cut a check for $500.00 bucks and said here, take it.

You have to fill out tons of paper work, get a passport photo, notarize a million papers and I forget what else...make sure it is in the proper format, include the fee - send it off...write to your board of nursing, include an envolope for them and send them a fee too...

Wait...get a criminal background authorization back in the mail...wait...I thought I already filled out papaerowrk on that...but ok...here ya go, along with another fee....

Get more paperwork about getting fingerprints done at a specific place that scans your fingerprints...have to make appointments online only....like 3 weeks in advance...

Totally miss the first one...read the paperwork...tells you how to log in and edit appointments...this doesn't work...I call the number...Oh! you have to just go through the whole process like you were doing it for the first time...

Oh, stupid me. How could I have not known? I mean, their directions were so fucking spot on when they failed to mention anything of the sort. (People, why bother having a fucking edit menu that doesn't fucking work...just type out on your directions, start over from the beginning, your money is automatically refunded if you don't show for your appt....how easy is that?...and I didn't even care about the money in the first place...all I care about is convenience)

I mean, why can't you just walk in and do it...christ, the appointments are made in 10 minute increments.

I make one directly after work, I completely forget. I make one mid Saturday morning, sleep right through it, completely forgetting, not remembering til 4pm Saturday evening....

So now my next appt is May 4th at 1pm....I am working 4 10's and I am taking the fucking day off so I make it to this fucking appt once and for all.

They say 3's a charm.

It better be, damn it.

Because I've had enough of this song and dance.

Although, I must admit, I got the hang of it now.

I feel like I am apart of some sci-fi thing...

I have to go online at bioapplicant.com/nj to make an appt to get my finger prints scanned

ew...

Just give me some freaking ink so I can slap my prints all over your forehead, then you can have a ball scanning them in!

Ha!

How about that!

Hey Jersey, how 'bout you take some of that Hi-tech-ness and apply it to your business sites

so they aren't so gawd aweful! (yea, I said it, gAWd AWeful)

Good Morning

2006-04-22T10:16:00.000-05:00

I am so glad the weekend is here.

It just isn't going to be long enough. I need a fucking break. Just time off.

But not yet, I am going to hang in there. I'll take the time when I can do the most with it. Basically for this little venture of mine.

So, yea, this week couldn't go by fast enough. And here I am. Just not having to go to work is great. I want to fly to Florida. I have a feeling I am going to have to settle for quick flights...like 3 to 4 days...depending on my schedule...and try to get as much done as I can while I am down there but I am not at that point yet.

I do have to say, it would be so much easier if I could maintain a per diem status but I can't.

I didn't get home till 8:30pm last night, my ass was dragging...I left at 6am, a little late but not late for work, just late according to my own schedule.

As I was walking out to the kitchen in my sleep induced haze, I swiped 2 glasses from the coffee table meaning to put them into the sink and went about my business making my coffee, Kev comes out and asks what I am doing? I look at him confused and say I am fixing my coffee and he points to the 2 glasses which are sitting in the trash can. Yea, it's like putting the cereal box in the frig.

That's been me.

LMAO...

But hey! read this. I feel strong about this!

Progress...Wow...

2006-04-19T18:46:00.000-05:00

I am so nervous...

I don't know why really...

This little venture just started out to be something I wanted to do for the hell of it...

I still have a long way to go...

BUT

I sent off my designs to a manufacturer yesterday...

Am awaiting a quote...

Looked up more manufacturers for some little things...

I still haven't been able to really get into what I want to get into...

But I did go with a different domain name...one I like much better...

I just applied for my EIN tonight...

I wish I could base out of Philadelphia...instead of NJ....

Ugh....

I only sleep here, damn it!

lol....

I have been reading so much crap, between manufacturers, New Jersey Business Laws, IRS, Trademark blah blah blah...

I don't really want to get too involved with all of that right now...but I do need an EIN and I probably need to register as a business in NJ too....but I am going to wait until my manufacturer gets back to me...

Federal is all I care about right now...

B/c to tell you the truth, I wasn't planning on running it up here...I wanted to run this in Florida...

Anyway, I am in no real rush...

But it is fun...

I am tired...

I work and then come home and screw around with this all night....research, design...think, research some more, get ideas and then design...

This afternoon, I felt like my face was falling off...I realize how much I wasn't paying attention when I walked out of Wawa from getting a coffee and I was parked on a 45 degree angle...

LMAO...

I must have been a sight...

I came home and cranked up some music and started cleaning...then applied for my EIN...

So, now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll hop in the shower and go to the store...

Immigrant Thing

2006-04-17T23:27:00.000-05:00

I just happened across this letter published in the Metro paper today and figured I'd post it.

It's titled Separate Cultures is Main Problem

Regarding "Rights rally" (April 11): The photograph on the front page is the precise embodiment of the resons why better control of immigration is urgently needed. Every flag held by protesters in that photograph is a foriegn flag - most prominently the Mexican flag. Not one person holds the U.S. flag. Yet these people are alleging that they are Americans and want to stay in the United States and become U.S. citizens. However, they obviously do not want to integrate into U.S. society and adopt U.S. culture, values and the U.S. dialect of the English language. They want to be Mexican-Americans or Peruvian-Americans or Venezuelan-Americans. Many want Spanish recognized as a second official language in the United States and have nearly succeeded in that endeavor. The United States is not North Mexico.

The experience of Canada with their perennial Quebec secession movement should show us the folly of permitting a large and growing segment of the population with a separate language and foriegn cultural allegiances. Immigration needs to be restricted to those individuals who are who are willing to integrate into, not further fracture and segment our society.

When I first read this I thought wow...how true...then I thought, doesn't that sound a bit racist? Then I thought..how so?

Truth is. I have to agree.

In all this mess about immigration...you never hear of the anyone going after the employers who employ these illegals...so until they do that...what is really going to change?

Border control isn't going to do a damn thing no matter what they do. The border is too fucking big.

They are taking jobs away from our citizens and what about the legal immigrants that are here?

I have a friend who immigrated here from England. She went through utter fucking hell to come over here and although we haven't really discussed this whole issue in depth, I imagine it is a huge slap in her face.

She went through the proper channels for her and her 2 boys to come over here...blood, sweat, tears, frustration, loss and treatment people shouldn't have to go through...all to be here.

The system treats you like shit. She's been here for a few years and the system still treats people like shit. I feel for her. There's nothing she can do. She has to abide by what they say and she does.

The system contradicts itself. People are caught in a catch 22.

It isn't fair to our citizens and it isn't fair to the immigrants who abide by our immigration laws.

I have to agree.

We are not North Mexico.

Wasted Night

2006-04-17T20:34:00.000-05:00

Holy Shit.

I came home from work.

I was so tired.

So I figured, I'd lay down on the couch and wait for kev to get home.

We usually chat about our day before he takes off for school...that is, when we see each other....

The last thing I remember is him walking out the door...

Next thing you know...

He's walking back in...

At 9PM....waking my ass up!

What the hell....

Easter Sucks Ass

2006-04-16T13:42:00.000-05:00

Everything is closed.

Why?

I never want to stop, therefore the world should never stop, damn it.

What would I do if I lived in the freaking country?

As much as I would love to...b/c I am a nature person and I'd love to have horses and I would rather sit around a bon fire and drink beer than dress up and go out...if you can believe that...

I am glad I live in a metro area, but it isn't metro enough for me, today, at least....I love the city as well.....

There is something to be said for both.

Urban and rural life. I can appreciate both.

When I want something...I want to go to place and get it now, and I want that place to be open any day of the week, holiday or not.

Don't hold me up. I am not patient in these circumstances. This is a carry over aquired working in the O.R....if you can believe that....

I have even seen courses at conferences about how not to take the anal-ness and impatience home with you...

It can change you...and it has...kinda...maybe...alot...who knows....

I am...can be...an intense person...

This little word/name thing is so damn true, it is actually funny...

Too Early To Sleep

2006-04-15T22:54:00.000-05:00

It's always too early to sleep.

Last night, I didn't go to sleep till 4 AM.

I am a night owl.

The kids are crashed.

Kev is crashed.

I sit here awake.

Bored.

We went out to dinner tonight with Kev's parents. They are nice but sometimes I am just not thrilled about it. They are just freaking weird.

But I did have something that I will re-create at home.

Pasta, with grilled chicken, red sauce with asparagus and sun dried tomatoes and parmasean cheese. Very nice.

Silent sweet vengence???? I don't know what to call it. Pay backs? It wasn't anything that was done on purpose b/c I am not like that....it is more along the lines of...what will be...will be....

I guess one reason why I always have a problem with Kev's parents is because they treat all the grandkid's differently...I hate that and am very much opposed and against that.....I think it isn't fair. Don't get me wrong I don't expect them to try to do every little thing thing with each and everyone of them...for example they always go over his step dad's daughter's house on halloween to see their kids...I don't care about that...it's a pain that's kept out of my ass....I don't really care about what they do on holidays or who they go to see...that's not the issue...the issue is...we live 15 minutes away. Kevin takes the kids to see his mom and have dinner one night a week every week and has done that ever since Toni was born. The reason for this is b/c when he was with Dina, everything and every holiday was surrounded by her family and that was it. Nothing else exsisted. So they created this dinner night so his mom would see his daughter every week and be involved in her life and of course it just continued when his son came along as well. This is rarely skipped.

Kevin has a sister up in Long Island, she has 4 kids. He has 2 step sisters. One lives 1/2 hour away and has 2 kids. Her kids are Kevin's kids ages. His sister's kids ages range but her last one was born on the same day as Toni and the rest are all older.

His mother favors his sister's oldest daughter. She will drive up to Long Island to get her only to have to drive her back the next day. It's a 3 hour drive, sometimes 4 if she is coming from Cape May. His step sister kids, they watch all the time. Her youngest is around Bubs age. He sleeps over their house all the time. They go over and watch them all the time. They take them to ball games as they do Kevins real sisters kids.

There is a difference between what they do for the step sisters kids and what they do for Kevin and his real sisters kids. Then there's a difference in what they do with his real sister's kids and his kids. His kids get the shaft.

It pisses me off. They don't do a damn thing with them. I shouldn't say that...they never do anything with them without us there too.

They've never even asked. We've asked when we've been in a pinch and they've declined with the reason that his son was too young back in the day when he was in diapers...but then it was a real slap in the face to go over and see his step sisters son who was the same age over there and they were watching him for the entire weekend....3 days....and we were asking for a workday when I was doing a 12 and Kev was doing an 8 and there was nothing we could do. It was short notice and one of the med rep companies offered Kev to come in and assist the surgeons in working on cadavers to learn correct technique doing vertibroplasties one Saturday. They paid him something ridiculous like 800 bucks for the day...who would want to pass that up? Easy money.

Who watched the kids? My brother who came down from living 2 hours away to help us out. He came down the night before b/c we leave so early in the morning. The kids still remember that day, he did so much with them. Took them to the movies, took them to the park, tried to run their asses off....and they are not even my kids! They're Kev's kids and his own damn family wouldn't even help him. It's my family. Thanks Bro!

Who always helps us out? My family. Why? Because that's what we do. We help each other out.

Needless to say, after that, we've never asked them for anything.

Ok, done ranting.

So what I mean by paybacks is:

Tonight at dinner. We are in this huge semi-circular booth...when we walked in Kev's mom wanted Bub's and Toni to sit on either side of her and I sat next to Toni...and all night Toni was hugging my side. She was hugging me and leaning up against me and laying her head on my shoulder and she's yapping away to me...just like we are at home...

I know why.

I really don't care. It's no skin off my back. I just don't want the kids to feel left out by them and I don't want them to wonder why they don't ever sleep over grandmom and poppy's house and I don't want them to wonder why they didn't get to go to a ball game and the other kids did and of course tonight at dinner Kev's step dad mentions taking his step sister's kids to a ball game to see the Phillies.

Who does she ask to take of her when she has her surgery? Me. Yea, I get all the good stuff don't I? Not only does she ask but she's specific. She wants me to stay in the hospital with her "till the nurses there kick me out", she says.

Those nurses aren't going to kick me out. I am there doing their work. They are going to be like," Go on with your bad self...stay as long as you like...as long as you're here, honey, we don't have to do a damn thing except bring the meds in."

Really, if the family is there and willing to do the care correctly, the nursing staff should let you...it's a good thing to let the family be involved in the care of hospitalized family members...see how that works??? They are just being bitches if they don't...unless you are doing things wrong. Just a little something to keep in your mind.

I just don't want to have to look at her crotch....can you imagine? I just don't want to go there...I'd pick the stranger...

This post is just too negative....

I just might delete it.

Household Gold

2006-04-14T21:14:00.000-05:00

Typical evening.

Dinner: Kids don't really want to eat...bubs has food everywhere...hands, forehead...he doesn't even notice or care...Toni isn't hungry, me and Kevin are starving...

The kids are dying to watch Star Wars yet again...serves Kevin right for creating Star Wars junkies...

Bubs goes to grab a blanket out of the closet, my rollerblades fall on him...

He then procedes to drag it onto the couch and knocks over Kevins drink...Mt Dew, the horrid shit...

Our 2 cell phones are on the coffee table, next to Toni's newly completed Star Wars Episode II book she so proudly made herself over the past few days, my laptop is near the other end and hooked up to it is my iPod....nice...

Get it all Bubs, don't miss a thing.

I am in the kitchen when this all goes down.

All I hear is Kev yell,"Kev!" So I peak out and Kev has my laptop and he's picking up my iPod...Bubs is jumping on the couch starting to cry and he is trying to cover his entire body with his blanket.

Fuck.

Kev is getting the mess under control, I go over to Bubs and I take the blanket off him, I am trying to tell him to sit up, it's ok, it was an accident and he is just falling apart. Poor thing.

Then we realize Toni's little book is completely ruined. She worked so hard on her little Star Wars book. She starts crying.

He's cryin' - She's cryin'

All I can do is laugh.

I am going to hell.

She's on the floor, He's on the couch...we're cleaning up the mess...

I am checking my computer, it's ok...the bottom is a little wet but ok...my iPod is good, cells are good.....

Toni's book took the hit.

This kinda stuff cracks me up.

A Garden State Sound Bite

2006-04-13T18:28:00.000-05:00

I think it was 3 O'clock in the Morning that had a blog about New Jersey's Slogan Dilemna

I came across this. Take a listen.

Do Me A Favor

2006-04-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

I kinda liked this post

So do me a favor and read it.

If ya like.

Stupid Criminals and a Conspiracy Theory

2006-04-10T21:18:00.000-05:00

I had to blog about this.

I was over my friends house the other night and in our converstaion a recent drug bust in Philly came up.

This "bust" was labeled the "biggest" bust in Philedelphia. I heard it on the radio briefly on my way to work in the past week or 2...and forgot about it...

Apparently...police were responding to a home robbery call...

When they got there and searched the residence, they went into the basement and found 2700 pounds of pot, along with an unsaid amount of cocaine and guns.

You have to be stupid to have 2700 pounds of pot in your house and report a robbery and then let the police take a look around your house.

On another note.

I want to know why - when the media focuses on the WTC tragedies and flight 93 they never focus on the pentagon flight.

They have made numerous shows and specials involving the WTC's and the flights involving the WTC's and flight 93 and they have even included people in the pentagon but NEVER people on "the plane" that flew into the pentagon or the family members of the people on that plane. You never see memorial services being held by the family members of the people on that plane....and you never see them interviewed in specials...nothing.

Take a look at the photos. To me, there is no fucking way a plane flew into the pentagon. The hole in that building is too small...where's the wreckage? Where's the wings? Where's any identifying factors that a plane was there? Look at blast patterns on the building in early pictures. I have to say I am kinda convinced a plane wasn't there, but then what happened to it, if there was a plane at all? The people they said were missing? Where are they? Is it something the gov't made up so people wouldn't know that something was able to be smuggled into washington and detonated at the pentagon, no less?

Why is the pentagon flight always left out?

I am on the fence with it.

Don't get me wrong. I am a patriotic person. Just b/c I question things doesn't mean I am not patriotic. I just believe you have to question things...it's our responsibility as the American people.

Everyday, I'm Hit By A Train

2006-04-10T21:12:00.000-05:00

Everyday, I'm Hit By A Fucking Train!

It's allergies, I know it.

What else can make you feel so drained and give you headaches constantly that are non migraine?

Sinus bullshit, allergies.

This year is going to be bad b/c it didn't get cold enough to kill anything off.

I think we have seen frost on our cars maybe 5 times...

That blows.

Fellow allergy sufferers....we are doomed.

I Love My Mom So Freaking Much!

2006-04-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

I just came home from my friends house and called my mom.

She was in New York all day so I didn't want to call her till she got home.

It's her birthday today, we celebrated last night.

The first time I showed her my little puny design and told her about my little venture she freaked out and from then on she has been my biggest fan and support.

She always asks me what's going on with it, what my ideas are, where I am going and what I plan to do...she gives me suggestions and she is just as excited as I am to see it completed.

As dumb and as stupid as it is, it is all of me...it encompasses me...and she created it. Little did she know, 29 years later I would create this little thing. My little idea. Something cute. My sassy attitude...and it came from her defiance...and my god, I am so thankful. Believe me! (For those of you who know me, I may have told you the story, if not just ask, I'll be glad to tell)

Anyway. She always lights a fire under my ass with her excitement and her enthusiasm and her energy. I wanted to come home and go to bed but after talking to her I just can't.

So, while in the shower, I have figured out my Trademark...ya see...there is a company in England with the same letters as mine but a completely different company...it's like a construction company or something...I guess he is going international...or are they just international...I have to go back and re-read all that stuff...state vs national vs international... copyright vs trademark....reading so much in such a short period like I do, then putting it down and coming back...things get fuzzy...

Anyway, I do know this company is in England and his trademark is pending, it is the company initials where as mine is my name but I solved that problem completely, so now I need to get on the horn and contact my friend who, I believe, has a patent, pending (go gal) and see if she can refer me to an attorney, maybe for a consult but I am a smart gal. I believe with the right knowledge I may be able to do this myself, or at least educate myself enough to know what's going on and not go into this blind....I am so scared of that...I do have access to an attorney at work but I believe that is for things like financial stuff or whatever but it never hurts to ask a question or get a consult to point me in the right direction and I have a friend who's brother attends law school at Wharton and one of our anesthesiologists is attending law school at Rutger's...so someone has to know something to point me in the right direction.

In the meantime, I finalize my design. In all of my reading, I did see that you have to send in copies of your design to the USPTO....wait, wait, wait....I was just searcching and I can do it online through them.....

OK, I have to be done blogging for now....I have to read this....

Wish me luck bloggers!

All 0.5 part-time of you!

A Nursing School Memory

2006-04-09T09:32:00.000-05:00

As I wake up this morning and realize for the 3rd day in a row that my migraine has not gone away, I reach for 2 excedrin migraine and a muscle relaxor, stumble to the frig only to realize I am out of creamor for my morning cup of coffee....

Ya see, I have curbed my coffee intake...

So As I am driving to WaWa to get said creamor, a memory appears in my mind for some odd reason. I have no idea why. At the time, it sucked but now it seems funny, so I thought I'd share.

But first I am going to rant about this stupid headache of mine.

It has ruined my weekend along with this saturday rain that has pissed down along with cats and dogs that has been on the missing lists for months...

But all is not lost...I had a nice dinner with my mom for her birthday, I bought her some roses and a perfume that she wanted and readers? (All 0.5 part-time of you, would be proud, I made it in and out of Macy's in 7 minutes, even when the perfume counter ladies stopped me on my way out to ask me what type of make up I used and how I applied it...now that's a record, people)

And for my memory? Here it is:

In nursing school one of our first rotations was to go to various clinical sites that our school set up and give free flu shots to the local surrounding community of Philadelphia.

My clinical group got the best of both worlds as we were sent to the the ghetto of West Philly and to a nursing home facility...

First stop 7AM West Philly ghetto:

We all meet in this ghetto...don;t really know if this is the right address or not but we see other classmates congregating outside so we find the best parking space we can on the street and park, Get out. One of us has coffee in a box from Duncan Donuts on the hood of a car. Our clinical Instructor is not there yet which makes us wonder if we are in thr right spot altogether....then we start taking bets on what kind of car she will be driving....someone says a green tarus...damned if they weren't right...

We are standing out in front of the buidling that we are suppose to set up shop in and it looked like it shuld have been abandoned...we are looking at each other like, you have to be kidding....is this for real???

It was.

It is a freezing Novemeber day, sunny....very cold...it's 6:30AM...we are waiting....we are all in this ghetto dressed in all white...white see through button down shirt, white see through scrub pants, white shoes (and they weren't allowed to have any logos on them unless the logos were white)

So the woman who runs the place finally gets there and opens the door.

It's even worse on the inside.

Find any peice of ply wood you can and hammer it to the wall, find anypeice of carpet you can and lay it on the floor, folding chair and a make shift podium in the front of the room and it is part of run down row houses that are basically vacant in cracktown, USA so it is about 12 feet across in width...no heat but none the less, this place serves as a refuge for people that need it.

This woman busts out a kerosene heater which was really doing nothing, b/c we might as well have been wearing paper in our scrubs.

In the weeks before, this place informed it's congregation that we would be coming but still only about 5 people showed up. Apparently, economically depressed people are skeptical about healthcare providers or they just plain ol need to go to work and can't afford to make it there to get a free flu shot. So we all took turns going out on the street to try to bring people in to get free shots.

People thought we were fucking nuts. They wanted no parts of it, although we did get a few.

My instructors husband was a firefighter so he brought the entire company down in the fire truck to get shots so that was cool.

We were freezing but as the day picked up more people came and then it dwindled again and then it was time to leave. The best part of the day though was to answer questions about health and wellness as well as to give these people flu shots which was the reason why we were there...but to be able to help anyone that doesn't have access is just awesome. That's what I like.

2nd round: Adult Community

We were late getting there. It was in North Philadelphia. We had a hard time finding it. We were pressed for time anyway.

Finally when we got there, they already had been waiting for an hour...we weren't that late but you know old people, they were there an hour before we had to be there...

We thought they were going to be pissed....

We walked into this gymnasium and we saw them lined up on the otherside in chairs...

The people sponsering it had tables set up for us with chairs next to them like a mini doctors office....like little stations....that was awesome....we saw that as we were walking across the floor and went at them like gangbusters.

We had every one done in half hour.

Even my instructor was impressed.

And the old people loved how fast we were but they loved the attention from us even more.

Was funny.

We all walked out of there glad that fucking day was over but it was a great learning experience and we all had fun.

Ideas Floating In My Head

2006-04-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Uh.

What a horrible horrible rainy ass day.

Every fucking Saturday. Sucks. Ass.

What the hell.

But at least I have the ideas in my head.

I've been trying to figure out how to take a trip to Florida, not only for myself but also for the kids too.

Me and Kev want to take them to Disney, of course, although I dread that one, not for them b/c seeing how they like it is the only reason I want to go, everything else is why I dread it. I am not a touristy person anyway. BUT if we are going to do that then we might as well stay at the park, jam in Universal and the Nickelodeon thing too then go to my family in Clearwater for a relaxing week at the beach with intermittent trips to Busch Gardens, the WaterPark next door and SeaWolrd too...talk about a trip that would last in their memories...

We would need about 2 weeks for that, which wouldn't have been a problem at all if I would have stayed at my old job...however, I have to see how my time works at this new job...which sucks...

I am used to taking 2 to 3 weeks off to go down to Florida...sometimes for a month...as the years go by my trips keep getting shorter and shorter...and that isn't right with me...

BUT that's ok...this is just short term, right now....to get to where I want to be...among other things...

I have left my little venture alone right now, for a few weeks and I have become a little jumpy with it...if I want to move forward, I can, but I have to do so with out taking the time and spending the money to proceed with obtaining my trademark...and I don't know how I feel about that...but to see my finished product in my hand, is tormenting me...and the little sense of accomplishment I'd feel is like a little devil on my shoulder.

I did read trademark requirement though and it isn't a big deal to have created your product before you Trademark it. To create a national trademark you have to sell your product across state lines. My plans are just that. This is only part of my venture but one that is apart of advertisement as well but one that is fun and cute and my favorite part too and one that I will be most proud of.

Ok, that's it.

2006-04-06T17:19:00.000-05:00

I am freakishly tired today...

I just can not snap outof it.

Not much to say except, I think I will take a nap.

Mmmmm....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Finally

2006-04-02T15:03:00.000-05:00

What a nice weekend.

I finally went and got a pedicure today. I have been meaning to do that for 2 weeks now.

So now I have happy feet in drastic red...my favorite red for the time being.

I wanted to take the kids up to Valley Forge Park for the day but it was suppose to rain Saturday so I chose not to go. Instead we took the kids to see Ice Age II. Was cute but I would have rather been outside. I just didn;t want to make it all the way up to valley Forge and then get rained out. That would have sucked. Guess I'll have to plan it for another weekend.

I would also like to take them up to New Hope and to Ringing Rocks at my Bro's house. That's a pretty cool place. The kids can run around in the woods and be mystified by huge boulder's that, when you strike them with a hammer, they ring like a bell. There's a few trails there that lead to water falls and stuff. So that would be cool.

I ordered some Sketcher's online. I just need to make it to the scrub shop in Philly at some point to buy some closed backed clogs. I would like to get a pair in black or red patent leather so they are nice and shiny. I have to have a flare. I bought new material to make more scrub hats. Zebra to go with my clogs and Leopard to replace my old falling apart hat that I have now.

Yea, I am all about animal print stuff...usually only in the O.R. Hats and shoes.

Oh that is suck a lie. My entire bedroom is leoprd! I met clothes and stuff....lol...too funny.

Anyway, we have a fun weekend with the kids and a few of my friends came over. I promised to cut theor hair for them weeks ago. Then I slammed myself with 4 12's and alot going on and completely forgot about it. My friends husband was sick for a while so I called to see if they wanted to come over last night so I could cut their hair.

I think it was like 9pm by the time I called..lol...so 3 hair cuts later, theirs and Kev's, I told them they were not allowed to leave until I sat down, had a cup of coffee and chilled with them...lol...

Was nice to see them. We've been busy, they've been busy, so it was nice to get together and do nothing but bullshit.

So, I think I will chill for the rest of the day and evening.

Till tomorrow...or some other time...

OH! but first....

I found a website for the LOST freaks in all of us called The Hatch Online

I have season 1 on dvd, and on this site I found little things similar to cheats on games like press the arrow key 3 times to the right at this menu name and this happens....so me and kev are going to do that tonight...

I love that show. I think that says something b/c I am not a TV freak at all.

As of late my shows seem to be:

LOST
The Deadliest Catch
The Real World Key West

The last 2 I really don't care if I make it to watch them though but LOST I have to watch...

...and holy shit...Bubs is driving me crazy right now. He is tired and acting like a pus. LMAO...his world is just not right, right now, nothing is fair. He's been acting like this for the last hour. You can see it in him, he is so tired. Don't worry little Bubs, you are going home in 10 minutes. I hope you tourment your idiot mother but most of all I hope she lets you take a nap.

It cracks me up when kids get like this. They are so tired and they don't know what to do so they cry over stupid shit. It's a shame and I feel sorry for him but it is funny as hell at the same time.

BUT we are leaving so he can't fall asleep, or we will be paying hell for it when we go to leave. Sorry Bub's, that's the breaks little one.

I am so going to hell. LMAO....

Good day people.